Ron of the Dead
by Sharptooth
Summary: Hogwarts Theater Presents: Ron of the Dead, a Marauders of the Quill Production, Albus Dumbledore hosting. Follow our hero, Ron Weasley and his best mate Harry Potter as they take part in a harrowing adventure of daring do. Sorta... Kinda... Maybe...
1. Chapter 1

Authors Notes:

Disclaimer:  We, the Marauders of the Quill, own nothing but our story. All characters and places created by the esteemed J.K. Rowling are her exclusive property, and any of the other characters that may appear in this work belong to the people that created them. This work was created solely as a labor of love, and no money is or ever shall be made from it. Also, no house-elves were injured in the making of this fanfic.

Yes, we felt that it was important to write you all, the readers, this note, or more importantly this word of warning.

Yes, this story is tremendously SILLY! We ask you to take it with a grain of salt. This is far from being an HP Fan Fic classic, but truly a classic of its own. For those of you who have seen "Shaun of the Dead," which was our inspiration, you will know why we have taken this unusual route.

We only ask you to have fun reading this story and enjoy the all the inside jokes that we have provided.

This is the first Marauders of the Quill story ever written and posted. It was a comprised effort of both Sharptooth and Flame, one half of the Marauders. We alternated between chapters in order to best compliment each others styles and efforts.

Flame: On a personal note, this experience has been one of a kind. Many times over we have laughed and laughed at the antics which we put down on paper, and thought on how we could surpass ourselves. Yet, each and every time we consistently did. Sometimes, we have to look beyond the seriousness of our favorite characters and just wonder, "What If???" So, here is the perfect "What If" scenario. But rest assured, that this story will not be the last you will see of "Ron of the Dead" as we have many more surprises in store with this story!

Sharptooth: This story was probably one of the most fun experiences that I've had in a long time. Flame has been a joy to work with, and it has brought together a great friendship. To be able to poke fun at almost every pop culture icon has been a dream come true. Ron of the Dead is just the start of more things to come. I hope you like what we've done, but if you don't, that's okay too. Just read it and form your own opinion, and hopefully you'll come back for more.

Summary: Ron of the Dead is a fanciful romp through a land filled with mischief and mayhem. Come along with us and see how the Hogwarts Theatre troupe addresses Halloween, and deals with anything and everything that could come from a loveable Mr. Murphy and his laws.

_Ron_

_of the Dead_

PROLOGUE

[CUE MUSIC]

Dumbledore fixed his robes as the floor manager counted down from five…four…three…two…

[CUE HOST]

"Welcome to the premier of WWT's Hogwarts Theatre. I am your host, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," said the Headmaster. "This week, I am proud to present you a special treat. As you recently heard, our students at Hogwarts have decided to adopt several muggle traditions, therefore they have taken their creative interests towards to world of the cinema, as they call it. I have the distinct pleasure of presenting to you this special feature. It is a story about those who are believed to be meek, and stand up when people need them the most. It is reflective of intrigue, mystery and survival…all qualities of possessing a true Gryffindor spirit. Without further interruption, Hogwarts Theatre is proud to begin our version of "_Ron of the Dead_."

[FADE TO BLACK]

[CUE MUSIC]

[CUE OPENING CREDITS]

_**Ron of the Dead**_

A Marauders of the Quill Production

STARRING

Ron Weasley as "The Hero"

Hermione Granger as "The Heroine"

Harry Potter as "Mate"

Fred & George Weasley as "Gred and Forge"

Ginny Weasley as "The Queen of the Curses"

Neville Longbottom as "The Scared Kid"

and

Tom Riddle as "The Bad Guy"

ALSO STARRING

Draco Malfoy

Pansy Parkinson

Cho Chang

Michael Corner

Dolores Umbridge

Rubeus Hagrid

Severus Snape

Peter Pettigrew

And

Percy Weasley

SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY

Hedwig

Dobby the House Elf

and

other SURPRISE SPECIAL GUESTS!

[FADE MUSIC]

[FADE TO]

CHAPTER ONE

The scene opens in the great hall. All students and staff are gathered together for an early breakfast. The hall is decorated in black and orange, for it's Halloween and Dumbledore has something special planned for the student body.

"Ladies and gentlemen, first of all may I say how happy I am that today is Halloween! As you know, Halloween is a special day for wizards and witches therefore it is my pleasure to invite you all to the surprise festivities for this evening, not including our Annual Halloween Ball. First, borrowing a page from last year, we have transformed the Quidditch field into a Halloween maze filled with ghosts, ghouls and goblins."

Murmurs broke out through the student body.

"Not to worry, not to worry," said Dumbledore. "I assure you that they will not hurt you, but only frighten you in the spirit of Halloween. But that's not all. We have also created a special scavenger hunt to be played throughout the grounds at Hogwarts. You are encouraged to sign up in teams to play this evening. Please sign up with Professor McGonagall before you leave this morning. As a bonus, the winning team will receive a fifty galleon shopping spree to any store in Hogsmeade!"

Everyone stood up and cheered. Immediately students began talking in order to form their respective teams.

"One more announcement, please…please sit down," interrupted Dumbledore. "We will begin our festivities at seven this evening with our special buffet feast here in the Great Hall. Afterwards, beginning at half past eight, the Ball will begin when we will be opening the floor to dancing and contests. Our maze and hunt will also begin at half past eight. Now, at the Ball, we will restart a prized ceremony that we halted many years ago. Tonight we will crown the King and Queen of the Halloween Ball. This is to be the best Halloween that Hogwarts has ever celebrated."

"This is going to be soooo cool, mate!" Ron said.

"Hold on there, Ron," Harry replied. "Did you forget that we have a DA meeting tonight?"

"WHAT?" Fred and George cried out. "But it's Halloween, Harry!"

"I know, I know, but we still have lots to do."

They all lowered their head in sadness.

Harry snickered at their reactions. "Well, I guess we can get out a little earlier, say about half past seven?"

"Ooooh mate, that gives us just enough time to eat and get ready for the hunt!" said Ron.

"Hold on," said Hermione. "We don't even have a team yet, much less a captain."

"Problem solved," said Fred.

"Yes, I volunteer Harry as captain," said George.

Harry cleared his throat quite nervously. "Are you sure about picking me?"

"Of course, mate! Who would be better than you?" replied Ron.

Harry shrugged. "Okay then; who wants to be on my team?"

"Do you really have to ask?" said Ginny.

"That's one then," said Harry.

"Uh, mate," said Ron, pointing to himself and Hermione.

"Three!"

"With your kind permission Captain, George and I would be most honored to be graced by your leadership and fighting spirit this evening…" said Fred.

"…therefore Fred and I would like to partake in our continuing study of our mentor here as members of your team…in order to study you closer so we can grow up to be just like you!" said George.

Harry blushed and rolled his eyes. "That's five then."

A soft, timid voice spoke out. "Harry, do you mind if I'm your team also?" asked Neville.

"Of course, Neville! I'm glad you want to join us!" answered Harry.

"Neville, where's Luna?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, she had to go home for Halloween for some reason. She told me to wish you all a Happy Halloween before she left."

"Too bad," said Fred and George together.

"What shall we call ourselves," asked Ginny.

"I saw an American movie on muggle television a long time ago about a group of seven cowboys. It was called "The Magnificent Seven," said Hermione.

"I like that name, Hermione! What do you think, mate?" said Ron.

"That sounds fine," said Harry. "The Magnificent Seven it is then."

"Okay, I'll tell Professor McGonagall right now," said Ginny, who rose from her seat and walked over to the Assistant Headmistress.

[FADE TO]

Professor Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk chair for the next segment. Fawkes, his trusty Phoenix is sitting on a perch behind him.

"As our story progresses, young Harry has formed his team for the Halloween Scavenger Hunt…and may I say what a formidable team it is. But before we can get to the evening's festivities, our story takes us to a pivotal point when Harry meets young Mr. Malfoy outside Potions class.

[CUE PHOENIX SONG]

[FADE TO]

The sun rises over Hogwarts this morning. Inside, pumpkins are lined along the great staircase. They sing a Halloween song.

_Trick or treat!_

_Smell our feet!_

_Give us something good to eat!_

"Hey!" says the pumpkin with the evil grin to the pumpkin with the goofy grin. "We don't have feet!"

"We don't?" says the pumpkin in response.

"No, you idiot!"

"Men, time to come up with a new song, immediately!" The pumpkins began discussing new lyrics.

Meanwhile, Ron, Hermione and Harry are approaching the door leading to the Potions classroom. Awaiting them already are the faces of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson.

"Well, look at what we have here. Already wearing your costumes, because those are the most frightening masks I have ever seen," said Draco.

"Sod off, Malfoy!" responded Ron.

"Weasel, don't you ever get tired of just telling me to sod off? Don't you know any other reply besides that one?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," said Ron, rolling up his robe sleeves and clenching up his fists. He began to walk towards Draco, but Hermione grabbed onto his arm. Draco pulled out his wand and shot a hex towards Ron.

"_Clumduliess Awforun!"_

Harry pushed Ron out of the way and took the hex dead on. He fell to the ground with a thud. Pansy blurted out a loud cackle. Neville reached out towards Draco and pushed him to the ground. Professor Snape interrupted the moment.

"What is going on here?" asked Snape.

"Please sir," said Hermione, "Malfoy insulted Ron and then shot him a hex, which hit Harry instead."

"I was only protecting myself, sir," said Draco. "Weasley was coming towards me to hit me for some reason and I had to stop him. Instead, Longbottom pushed me to the ground."

"Fifty points from Gryffindor. Potter, get yourself to your home away from home at the hospital wing," said Snape.

Harry got back to his feet and dusted himself off. "I'm alright, sir. I don't feel a thing."

Draco shot Harry an evil smirk.

"Everyone inside now!" exclaimed Snape. The students rushed in to take a seat. Snape moved his way to the podium and cleared his throat." "Quills down! I have an introduction to make." The door to Snape's back office opened. She stood there also dressed head to toe in black. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, graying quite a bit. Her face was pale and wrinkled. She gave everyone a hard look, never showing any emotion at all. She walked over to the podium and stood next to it. "This is my sister. She is quite excellent in potion making and will assist us throughout the rest of the year preparing you for your O.W.L.s."

"Professor," said Pansy Parkinson. "How may we address your sister respectfully?"

Ron turned to Harry and whispered. "He's got a sister?"

The woman took a step forward and spoke in a demure, but stern tone. "My name is…Frau Blücher."

Somewhere in the background, a horse's neigh is heard.

Class progressed as always for Harry. He was made the subject of several ridicules by Snape and his sister. To add to the insults, Harry began to feel a bit clumsy. He dropped a few of his ingredients several times, and then when class ended, Harry placed all his books in his bag and walked out of the class only to have his book rip in two, spilling everything on the floor.

Ron and Hermione gave Harry a hand. Harry piled everything into his arms and walked back to the common room. After giving the password to the portrait of the Fat Lady, he stepped over the threshold and tripped spilling everything once again including himself. Harry looked up to see the common room filled with his belongings. He shook his head and then placed it on the floor with a hard thud.

"OUCH!"

[FADE TO]

Professor Dumbledore stood feeding Fawkes a few treats, and brushing his feathers with a gentle stroke.

"Suffice it to say that Harry's day would worsen." Dumbledore turned to face the camera. "Ah yes, young Mr. Potter was hit with the Clumsy Curse, which always expires at midnight. Therefore Harry has a long time to somehow deal with his current disability. In the courtyard, Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger were sitting under an oak tree conversing about their lives."

[FADE TO]

"Ron, what are you planning on doing with your life after graduation?" asked Hermione.

"I've thought about it, 'Mione. I would have liked to be an Auror, but I don't think I have the courage for the job."

Hermione slapped him on the arm. "Are you kidding? Of course you have courage! Who played the game of chess when we were looking for the Philosopher's Stone? Who went down into the Chamber of Secrets? Who went to Aragog's lair?"

Ron shuddered. "Please don't remind me of Aragog."

"It's just that you always find a way to put yourself down. Who cares that you're afraid of spiders. I hate flying! We're all afraid of something. Remember the boggart in Professor Lupin's class two years ago? We saw everyone's fears that day."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Hermione."

"As always," she said jokingly.

Ron smiled at her. He looked deep into her brown eyes and lost himself in them. He wished he could only lean over and show Hermione just how much he truly liked her, but he thought that she would reply with the same right hand like she gave Malfoy before.

"Have you seen Harry?" asked Hermione to break the silence.

"No! Last time I saw him he was going back to the dorm to get a new bag. That must have been hours ago," said Ron.

"What do you think?" said Hermione quizzically.

"Yeah, let's go," said Ron, who took Hermione by the hand and walked back towards the Gryffindor common room.

When they entered, they saw spots among spots of dried ink all over the rug. Furniture was turned over. "Harry…" said Hermione with a deep concern. Ron ran up to his dorm and threw open the door. Three of the five beds had collapsed, their canopies torn. The other two beds were burned to cinders. The fireplace appeared to be scorched. Ron's poster of the Chudley Cannons no longer had players flying through. They all appeared to be peering around the edge with their eyebrows singed.

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Ron. Then, sitting on the floor in a corner was Harry. "Harry mate, what happened?"

"Where do I begin?" said a dejected Harry Potter.

Hermione entered the room in a run. She was out of breath. "The common room is cleaned up and…what happened here?"

"That's what Harry was going to tell me," spoke Ron.

[FADE TO]

Professor Dumbledore was admiring the sword of Godric Gryffindor before he turned to the camera once again.

"And so Harry told his friends of his persistent clumsiness. He fell over beds, tried turning on the fireplace to relieve him of his cold, but unfortunately the fire got out of hand, and in his efforts to put the fire out, his wand performed reverse spells that cause further havoc in the bedroom."

Professor Dumbledore took several steps closer to the camera while continuing to speak.

"Ron and Hermione listened intently. Soon after several _Reparo_ spells, they had the dorm just like new. But it didn't end there." Dumbledore nodded his head and winked, as his spectacles were now across the mid bridge of his nose.

[FADE TO]

"Mate, are you going to be alright going down the stairs?" asked Ron.

"I hope so," said Harry timidly.

"I'll be right in front of you," said Ron.

And so they went carefully down the stairs, Hermione following right behind with an arm outstretched on Harry's shoulder. Ron stood sideways on each stair, waving Harry down carefully. Harry grabbed onto the railing with both hands tightly. His knuckles turned ghost white.

"Come on, mate. You only have five steps to go."

Hermione held Harry tightly by the collar of his robes now. She was focused on her friend until she saw a white shadow pass by the corner of her eye. "Hedwig?" she said.

Harry turned to ask Hermione what she had said. That was all it took. Harry went head first right into Ron. His robes tore right down the middle and remained in Hermione's grasp. Her eyes bulged as the heap, known as her friends, were strewn in unusual positions across the floor. She sighed and blew and strand of hair out of her face.

Ron picked himself up and offered Harry a hand. "Alright there, mate?"

Harry did not take Ron's hand. "Can't I just stay here until we figure out what happening to me?"

Ron laughed. "Not likely. Let's go."

Harry got up and attempted to balance himself. Hermione walked past the two directly towards Hedwig who was hooting for their attention. She had brought a large package. Hermione took the card and handed it to Harry. "It's for you, Harry/"

Harry took the card and opened up, giving himself a paper cut in the process.

"Who's it from?" asked Ron who was watching Harry suck on his bloody finger.

_Dear Harry,_

_Today is Halloween, and Remus and I thought that it was time for you to take your turn as the King of the Halloween Ball, as your father did so many years ago. You may be asking if this is a Marauder joke. I assure you that it is not. Therefore, Remus and I are sending you James' Scepter. It's not fancy or anything. In fact, it was made from a muggle cricket bat. But just the same, it should now belong to you. Bear it in front of all your subjects this evening and declare yourself as "The Great Pumpkin" as you sit in the Halloween Throne of Honor. Some time during the dance, please hand the Scepter over to Hagrid. He will know what to do with it._

_Remus also wants to tell you to make the Marauders proud tonight during the Scavenger Hunt. We're sure that you will be forming a team of your own to compete, so I strongly urge you to get Fred and George to join you and use as many of their jokes as possible._

_We are well, and hope to see you during the Christmas holiday._

_Love,_

_Sirius and Remus_

Ron bore the biggest grin on his face. He tore open the paper to reveal a wooden cricket bat adorned with pumpkin and bat stickers. Ron fell down laughing.

"Honestly, Ron! This belonged to Harry's dad. Have some sentiment, will you?" Hermione said in a huff. Harry followed suit and began laughing as well. Hermione tried her hardest to refrain from grinning, but she soon began to laugh as well.

The portrait swung open. Fred and George, along with Ginny walked into the common room. They stopped when they saw the laughing taking place. Ginny stepped forward and pounced on Ron. She began to tickle him. Fred and George began to encourage Ginny to keep going, before they stopped when their eyes saw what was lying on the table.

"Fred, do you know what this is?" George spoke, with his eyes wide and his grin expanding from ear to ear.

"Blimey George, it can't be possible!..after all these years!"

Harry began to calm down and looked at the twins quite confused. "You know what this is?" he asked.

"But of course, my Captain," said Fred. "A true piece of Marauder legend…the immortal Halloween Scepter!"

"See mate," said George, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "When your Dad, Sirius and Lupin were in school, Sirius became the King of the Halloween Ball in their first year. Well, your Dad and Lupin of course were on his back about it for so long, that your Dad, after the Christmas holiday, came back to Hogwarts with this piece of wood all decorated with these pictures. He gave it to Sirius during one snowy evening in front of all the Gryffindors in the common room. Lupin arranged this big crowning ceremony and got all the students involved. It was a real hoot."

"Then," continued Fred, "year after year, Sirius, Lupin and your Dad began trading off the King title for all seven years they were here. Your dad was the last King that Hogwarts crowned and took the Scepter home with him after graduation. Blimey Harry, we have got to make sure you become King tonight! You must follow in the Marauders footsteps!"

"It is a moral imperative!" said George.

Ginny was now standing up next to Harry and began to tickle him endlessly. The twins, Ron and Hermione joined in, chanting repeatedly, "MY KING! MY KING! MY KING!"

[FADE TO]

Professor Dumbledore stood next to the portrait of his predecessor Armando Dippet.

"And so we bring to a conclusion the first chapter of our inaugural. We hope you enjoyed this first episode of "Ron of the Dead" and look forward to welcoming you back next time for another spine-chilling adventure here on Hogwarts Theatre. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I wish you a good day."

[CUE MUSIC]

[FADE TO BLACK]


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER TWO

[CUE MUSIC, AN EERIE MELANCHOLY THEME]

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore's office where soft snores can be heard from somewhere in the background. Soon there is a sharp intake of breath, and a muffled BANG, followed by what appears to be curses in several different languages. Enter Dumbledore, stage left.

"Little did our young Mr. Potter realize that during the time of his friends' raucous celebration, dark and evil tidings were taking place in the sleepy little burg of Hogsmeade," he said, absent mindedly brushing the pom pom of his sleep cap from in front of his eyes.

[FADE TO]

Percy Weasley stood inside the doors to Zonko's joke shop, waiting impatiently for his meeting with Dolores Umbridge. She was running late, and he hated tardiness. However, she was his direct superior, so if she wanted to be late, it was her decision, not his.

He cast his gaze around the shop, remembering with some fondness his reckless youth. Ah, to be young and carefree again. He thought with a smile about the time he came in, and abandoning all reason, he actually purchased a fake wand. Oh the follies of youth. Sometimes he wished he could just open up like that again, and not worry about how it would look.

There was really nothing going on, unless of course you counted that tall, handsome, faintly see-through sixteen year old over in the corner evidently trying to enchant some items while hiding it from the view of the owners. No, nothing going on at all.

Meanwhile, over in the corner, Tom Riddle, or the memory of him, anyway, stood there, brandishing the wand he had made his puppet steal for him. He waved it over a piece of parchment and muttered "_Festerous Necromancia,_" and watched it turn a sickly shade of purple, then fade back to its original color.

With a gleeful chuckle and the twisting of what appeared to be a four day peach fuzz mustache, he disapparated.

Percy, meanwhile started to wander around the store while he waited. He slowly went past the counter where there stood a young wizard around the age of eight or nine with spiky blonde hair and very large expressive eyes. He was making a very strange expression towards a large stuffed tiger that was sitting on the floor next to him. As Percy watched, he grabbed a large cardboard box that had the word "Transmorgrificator" written on it in a child's handwriting. As he pushed it up to the counter, Percy distinctly heard him mutter "third time this week."

Percy continued to walk around the store, until he found himself at the spot where the handsome young wizard had been. Pawing through the pile of parchments, he came at last upon on that seemed so terribly ordinary that he grabbed it. It was entirely unmarked, and seemed completely harmless.

Throwing caution to the wind, he rolled the parchment up and brought it up to the counter. He counted out the two sickles and four knuts, and strode out the door with it in his hand.

As he went down the street, he started to feel a little dizzy, but the sensation quickly passed. He would find Dolores Umbridge himself, and then he could get back to the comfortable confines of the Ministry of Magic.

[FADE TO]

Ron, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, the twins, and Neville approached the entrance to the Headmaster's office. The gargoyle stood there, glaring out at them.

"You know the password, Mate?" Ron asked.

"Erm…" muttered Harry, searching his memory.

"Another fine mess you gotten us into" Fred said, smacking his brother in the back of the head.

"Hey!" said George cuffing Neville on the arm.

"Don't hurt me!" whimpered Neville while he fell into Hermione.

"You prat!" cried Hemione, kicking Ron in the shins.

"What? Ow!" hollered Ron as he jumped up and down, landing on Ginny's toes.

"Stop it!" she yelled as she whipped around her wand, promptly driving it into Harry's forehead with a crack.

Harry stumbled backwards and tripped over Hermione's outstretched foot, crashing into the gargoyle back first. He fell to his knees with a groan. "Oh Bother," he muttered, and when he did so, the gargoyle sprang to life, jumping on him and lifting him over its head.

"Hey, what?" he said, and then he was flung across the corridor, crashing into Ginny and sending her sprawling.

The twins sprang to his aid, whipping out their wands and sending hexes flying at the gargoyle. It shrugged them off and spun on them.

"I say, chap," began Fred.

"You really don't have to," continued George.

"Do anything drastic," finished Fred, taking a hasty step backwards.

The gargoyle took another step forward, menacing them.

"Do something!" Hermione screeched at Ron, kicking him in the other shin.

Ron, who had just stopped hopping on one leg, started hopping on the other one now. He tried to pull out his wand, but was stopped as Harry, who had just managed to extricate himself from Ginny, whipped his wand around and lost his grip, impaling it in Ron's arm.

Ron let out a howl and dropped his own wand. As he did so, the gargoyle finished off the twins, leaving them moaning on the floor, and grabbed Hermione, holding her hostage in front of itself.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" came a familiar, contemptuous voice. They all paused long enough to look and see Professor Severus Snape standing there, sneering at the lot of them.

"Let me see, broken and battered bodies everywhere," he said, gazing at the twins and Ginny, "and Potter and his band right in the middle of it. First of all, peanut butter fudge." The gargoyle unceremoniously dumped Hermione on the floor, causing her to yelp as her bum struck the stone surface. It jumped back into place and awaited the password once again.

"Now then, where were we? Oh yes, seven troublemakers, caught red-handed, so seven times five points apiece is thirty five points from Gryffindor for fighting in the halls. Then, being completely useless twits should be good for five more points apiece for a total of seventy points from Gryffindor. Now, I suggest you all report to the hospital wing before any of you bleeds to death." He scowled at them to reinforce his point, and then motioned them away.

They picked each other up, and managed to limp off, leaving Snape laughing to himself behind them in the corridor.

[FADE TO]

Dolores Umbridge turned the corner at Honeydukes candy shop and came face to face with Percy Weasley. He looked as if he was going to be very ill. His face was covered in beads of sweat, and he was shaking slightly.

"Ma'am," Percy said, bowing slightly.

"Good heavens, Westernly, what happened to you?"

"Well," Percy began.

"Hand," said Umbridge.

Percy obediently raised his hand. Umbridge paced back and forth for a moment before saying in a little girl voice, "Yes, Westerfly?"

"Um, oh yeah, the Minister is going to pass another educational decree, but he wants to know if there is any more information you need to pass on to him before he proceeds?" He was sweating even more freely.

"Oh, not at this time Worsterchire," she replied quaintly.

"Is there anything…"

"Hands," Umbridge reminded him.

Percy's hand shot into the air. She turned from him, walking a few paces away. He found his eyes being drawn to her posterior, its shape bringing to mind a succulent ham hock. He found his mouth watering.

She turned back to him. "Yes, Wheelbarrow?"

"Er, could you turn around again?"

"What? Oh, I suppose so," she said turning around so that her back was to him. Percy reached out unsteadily toward her, his mouth stretching wide.

[FADE TO]

The kitchens at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, where we can see Dumbledore at the ice box, apparently trying to decide whether to have the treacle pudding or the left over haggis.

"What, oh, you startled me. Well, where were we? Oh yes, after having their various injuries attended to by Madame Pomfrey, the Magnificent seven were visited by none other than myself. As it had become necessary to advance the story, I therefore granted them special permission to proceed to Hogsmeade in the attempt to secure the supplies they needed for the evening's festivities."

Dumbledore paused as a small child of about nine years old came wandering through. He stopped and looked up at Dumbledore with a concerned expression. "I see dead people," he whispered, and then walked away, to be quickly surrounded by house elves.

"I see," Dumbledore said. "So, let's see how things proceeded for young Mr. Potter and his friends."

[FADE TO]

They wandered through the streets of Hogsmeade, laughing at one stupid joke after another as the twins kept things going with different inventions of theirs.

"That was really good, George," said Ginny, stepping carefully over the chewed up corpse of an alley cat. As she got past it, it started to rise, its teeth snapping in the air where her leg had been a moment before.

They walked along, heading for Zonko's while still listening to the series of Jokes that Fred was telling.

"So, anyway, this wizard stops what he's doing and says "I don't care what you do to me, just let my kitty go." Crickets chirped in the background as his punchline was met with stony silence.

"Geez, tough crowd," he muttered, brushing off a leaf that had fallen from a nearby tree. He passed right by, not seeing the small, white beagle sitting in the tree, its body stretched out and upwards, with its neck stretched out and its snout pointed downwards, resembling nothing more than a great vulture, peering down at a carcass it was thinking of eating.

They walked on in silence, till they got to Zonko's. There they spread out, careful not to trip over any of the product strewn all about the floor.

"Pretty well picked over, I'd say, what do you think, Mate?" Ron asked, pointing to the nearly empty shelves. Crickets chirped in the background.

Harry went to answer, and instead let out a shout as he slipped on some Everard's Ever Slick Grease that had been spilled on the floor. "Oh, thanks," he murmured as he pulled himself up on the outstretched arm of the owner. He walked over to Ron as the owner swiped his hands at Harry's back, little flecks of spittle flying from his mouth as his whole body lurched from side to side with the effort.

"I'm about four knuts shy, Zonks," shouted Fred as he plunked down some coins on the counter. "Catch me on the next visit, would you? Come on guys, we've got what we came for." He turned and strode for the door, bumping into a witch who was stooped over gnawing on a severed leg.

"Hey, watch where you're going," he said, moving around her. "Some people just don't have a clue about common courtesy anymore." They went carefully around her, and left Zonko's behind them.

As they were returning up the street towards Hogwarts, Ginny pointed over to where there was a heavy set witch in powder blue robes with a fluffy pink cardigan and a little pink bow in her hair casually ripping a small boy limb from limb. "Look, it's that Umbridge cow," she said.

"What? Where?" said Harry, tripping over his own feet and crashing into Neville's back, causing Neville to whimper in pain and hide behind Hermione. Harry picked himself back up, and pulling his wand said "I'm going to get her."

"No Harry!" yelled Ginny, but it was too late.

"_Mammillius Replicatus!_" he yelled. A bright mauve light lit him up and he was thrown backwards, landing in a heap at Ron's feet.

Ron looked down, and had to stifle a laugh. He helped Harry up. "Good one, Mate," he said, turning away quickly.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked.

Hermione took a small step forward and reached into her handbag, pulling out a small mirror. Harry took it and looked into it gasping in horror. He was staring at a definitely bovine face. He looked down his body, and recoiled, clutching at a fully formed utter hanging from his belly.

"Well, look at it this way Harry," said George.

"You won't have to bother with dressing up for Halloween," said Fred.

"After all," said George. Everyone broke down in laughter. Harry just scowled, or attempted to anyway, finding it rather difficult to do so with a new facial structure.

"Oh come on, and shut up, the lot of you!" said Harry, as his utter slapped against the sides of his legs.

[FADE TO]

Inside the Room of Requirement, they sat and waited for people to show up. The Magnificent Seven were already there, and much to Harry's relief, his face was starting to look much more human than it had before.

He clutched his stomach as pains shot through him. He let out a long groan, and then tried to sit up straight.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Ginny said, concern in her voice.

"It's my stomach…it feels so tight, like there's too much pressure down there."

"Well, let me take a look," she replied. She bent down and examined him. "I think I see the problem," she said with a slight giggle.

"Well? What is it?"

"I think you need to be milked," she replied. "I, er, can help you with that if you'd like," she said waggling her eyebrows suggestively at him. As he blushed furiously, she cackled with laughter.

He got up and went around behind a changing screen that had luckily appeared nearby. As he did, there was a crash and a yelp of pain. "Er, Ginny?" came Harry's voice from behind the screen.

"Yes, Harry?"

"It seems I've fallen and made a rather squishy mess of things back here. You wouldn't be so kind as to give me a hand, would you?"

"I thought you'd never ask, Harry," she said, stepping around the corner of the screen.

"Now, Ginny, be careful. Whoa! What are you doing? Stop!" he screeched.

"Now Harry, just relax and let me handle things, would you? That's a dear…"

Ginny stepped back out from behind the screen, a very self satisfied look on her face as she was cleaning the corner of her mouth. Harry staggered out from the other side. His abdomen had gone back to normal, and he was looking a little woozy, but otherwise okay.

"Can we just start?" he croaked.

The other six came over to him. "So, what do you want to work on today?" asked Hermione, studiously ignoring the predatory looks that Ginny was throwing Harry's way.

"Er, how about learning some basic defensive hexes?" said Harry, looking like a rabbit who had just spotted a hound.

They split into pairs, with Harry overseeing. Ginny was paired with Ron, Hermione with George, and Fred with Neville. Hexes started to fly, and soon it became apparent that Neville was having problems with things.

Harry came over and stopped them. "No, no, like this Neville." He flicked his wand in a confident manner. A grey jet sprang from his wand and struck the far wall, ricocheting off and up to the ceiling. It bounced off of there and traversed the distance to the far wall, spring off that and flying into a mirror, where it altered course once again, only to go careening full force into Ginny. She was thrown from her feet and went flying backwards into a pile of pillows.

She got up and shook her head. She appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up, her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked at the group. "Harry," she purred, "run."

"Class dismissed!" cried Harry as he turned and ran headlong into the wall.

[FADE TO]

Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk. "Once again, our young Mr. Potter seems to have gotten himself into a great mess. Please join us once again in our next installment to see if he can manage to extricate himself from his problems with Ms. Weasley. From all of us here at Hogwarts Theater, I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I wish you a good day."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER THREE

[CUE CIRCUS MUSIC]

[FADE TO]

The Room of Requirement surrounded by a grouping of chamber pots. As the sound of running water can be heard, Albus Dumbledore has his back to the camera, humming a tune. A faint voice whispers to our host, alerting him that he is on the air. Dumbledore tries to turn around, but unfortunately cannot due to his "preoccupation."

"Welcome my friends to this third installment of Hogwarts Theatre. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. My apologies for not greeting you properly, however at last we saw Harry, he had run out of the Room of Requirement in mortal peril and arrived back in the Gryffindor Common Room. He was joined several minutes later by the rest of the clan as they would begin to get ready for the Halloween Ball."

Dumbledore turned back and gave a gentle shake as he fixed his robes to conclude this segment.

"And now, we begin our third segment of this historical broadcast of "Ron of the Dead," starring Ronald Bilius Weasley, Hermione Jane Granger and our own Harry James Potter playing the role of "Mate."

[FADE TO]

Neville and Ron were putting on their best dress robes, preparing for the Halloween Ball. Harry came out of the bathroom already dressed. When the two boys saw him, their jaws dropped!

"Harry! What happened to you?" said Neville.

"Yeah, mate! What's with your hair?"

Harry's hair was perfectly combed. There was not one strand sticking out of place.

Harry shrugged, "Who knows? I just put a comb through it once and this happened."

"Maybe whatever's happening to you has its good points, mate," said Ron.

Fred and George entered their dorm room.

"Are we ready yet, children?" asked George.

"We have beautiful women waiting for us downstairs. We mustn't keep them waiting," said Fred.

"Who are you two taking?" asked Ron.

"Why, each other!" said Fred wrapping his arm around George's shoulder.

Harry, Neville and Ron blurted out laughing.

"And what about you, little bro?" asked George.

Ron blushed. "Sod off," he whispered.

"A little bushy-haired girl I imagine," said Fred.

"Well, I won't make that same mistake again. I asked her right away."

"Look, Fred. Our little ickle Ronnikins is in love."

Ron mumbled as he walked past the twins and down the stairs.

Hermione and Ginny were already waiting. Hermione flashed a large grin as she saw Ron emerge in his new robes. "WOW! You look dashing, Ron!" He blushed again. "Thanks, Hermione. So do you!"

"Where is Michael Corner, Ginny?" Neville asked.

"He'll meet me at the ball," she said giving Harry an evil eye. Harry noticed Ginny's look and lowered his head sadly.

"Let's go then!" said Fred.

"Er, right," replied Ron. He extended his arm towards Hermione, who turned red and took it ever so demurely.

"Hey Harry! You bring the Scepter!" asked George.

"It's under my robes," said Harry.

"Oh, that's what that is," said Ginny to Harry, waggling her eyebrows at him. He blushed furiously.

The seven walked towards the Great Hall. The students were already gathering in masses, waiting for the doors to be opened. Through the corner of his eye, Harry spotted Draco with Pansy. She was dressed in a black robe with revealing sections in her chest, midriff and legs. Draco was dressed in silver robes, looking smug as ever.

"That fat cow!" said Hermione looking at Pansy. "Will she ever know the meaning of tact?"

Ron's stomach was rumbling. "I hope they open the doors soon. I'm starved!"

"What else is new?" said Ginny.

"But, I'm a grow…"

"…a growing boy who needs his nourishment," said the twins.

"Well, it's true! Just ask Mum," said Ron.

The doors opened. The Great Hall was transformed into a spectacular gathering with a stage full of musicians, tables full of Shepard's Pie, Roasts, Hams, Potatoes, and desserts. Tables were also lined along each side, leaving the middle empty for a dance floor. The seven sat at a table near the back. They were joined by Michael Corner, and surprisingly Cho Chang who was here without a date. She immediately sat next to Harry.

"Hi Harry," said Cho.

"Oh, Hi. Aren't you here with anyone?"

"No…I just wanted to come without any boy pressures. What about you?"

"I didn't have time to ask anyone."

"Oh…well, do you think that we can share a dance tonight?" she said coyly.

"Sure!" said Harry, sitting up straight and swelling his chest out.

At the staff table, it was Hagrid who stood up and walked over to the podium.

"Professor Dumbledore gave me the honor of starting off this Halloween Ball. Great man, Dumbledore, great man. Anyways, we want to do something different this year. Because we did not have a proper Champions ceremony after the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Harry Potter will start out this ball by having the first dance.

Harry's eyes grew wide. His face paled and little beads of sweat formed on his scowl. "Not again," he mumbled under his breath. The twins, Ron, Hermione and Neville turned to look at him with mischievous grins. Harry leaned over to his right and whispered in Ron's ear. "But I don't have a date."

"Then ask someone to dance," said Ron half-laughing. "But don't you think about Hermione, mate."

Harry turned to his left and looked into Cho's gaze. He had wanted to ask her, but something told him that it was not right. Harry stood from his chair and let his heart lead the path to the right girl. He stood in front of her and placed his hand out. "Will you do me the honor of having the first dance?" he asked slowly.

"I would be honored to," said Ginny. She took his hand and together they made their way to the dance floor.

Michael Corner shot Harry a look that could rip him in two if he wanted. Without hesitation, Michael walked away from the table and out the doors. Cho had watched this scene, and quickly followed Michael.

The music began. Harry placed his hands on Ginny's petite waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him a bit closer. "Don't worry, Harry. I won't bite," she said softly. Harry failed to hear the rest of her words as she whispered, "Unless you want me too." Harry became lost in her arms. He took in her scent of vanilla and lavender, brushing his lips softly against her cheek. She let out a soft moan of satisfaction from her pursed lips. This was the moment that Ginny had been waiting for since that day at Platform 9 ¾.

"Ginny?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Can we try something different?"

"What do you mean?"

"I saw a couple dancing on muggle television once and they were dancing in these large circles. It looks really elegant. Wanna try?"

"Sure, Harry!" said Ginny, because it did sound like fun.

Harry took the lead and they began to dance more and more freely. They looked like ballroom dancers on the floor. Gasps and cheers were directed towards the couple.

"They're wonderful!" said Hermione.

"I never knew he could do that," said Ron.

"That's why he'll be the King of the Halloween Ball tonight," said Fred.

"How nice it is to see tradition continue," said George.

The music came to an end. Harry and Ginny panted, but not because of their dancing. They panted because of this moment where he pulled her closer and embraced her deeply. They stood like that throughout the next two dances, where they were finally joined by the rest of the student body. They just refused to let go of each other.

"Ron?" said Hermione.

"What?" he replied.

Hermione motioned towards the dance floor with her eyes.

"Oh right, sorry. Hermione, would you like to dance?"

"I'd love to," she said heartily.

Ron took Hermione by the hand and they danced next to Harry and Ginny. After the fifth dance, Ron leaned towards Harry. "Don't forget to give Hagrid the Scepter, mate."

"Oh right, thanks," said Harry. "Ginny, will you excuse me for just a moment?"

"Of course, Harry," she said.

Harry made his way through the dancers and up to Hagrid. He opened his robes and pulled out the Halloween Scepter. "Hagrid, I was told to give this to you," he said handing him the unusual cricket bat.

"Thanks, Harry. I was waiting for this. Having fun with Ginny?"

"Yeah, thanks! I'll see you later." Harry walked away and back to Ginny.

The band played a fast song now. Harry was not fond of these type of songs, but Ginny waggled her eyebrows suggestively, which was all Harry needed to follow her every whim. They danced and danced. Harry then took Ginny in his arms and began to spin her. They spun so fast that they could not be seen. They were but a mere blur. The students separated, scared at what was happening to them.

"Bloody hell!" yelled Ron.

Harry and Ginny spun so fast that they managed to drill themselves right into the floor. Draco's curse was at work once again. When they finally stopped, they looked at each other quite dizzy. At first they did not realize the dirt that surrounded them. They looked up when they heard Ron's voice calling down to them. Ginny was quite upset.

She grew about six inches again. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. Her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked straight at Harry. "Harry," she purred, "Run!"

Harry jumped out of the hole and took off out the doors followed by a very angry Ginny.

[FADE TO]

A quiet and deserted Hogsmeade village. The dirt floor had turned bloody red. Bits of flesh and bone were strewn across the village. Not even the nocturnal animals could be heard singing the chorus of the night.

We pan down the street and into The Three Broomsticks. The lights appear to be on. A ruckus could be heard inside. We enter to see the room filled with the walking dead. They are sitting at tables and along the bar drinking warm mugs of fresh butterblood. Percy Weasley is standing behind the bar serving fresh orders for the new stragglers.

A group of several zombies sitting at a table near the entrance hold their mugs up and begin the festivities.

"_Yo ho, yo ho, a zombie's life for me. _

_We pillage, we plunder, we bite, and eat,_

_Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. _

_We tear and ravage and don't give a hoot, _

_Drink up me 'earties, yo ho._

_Yo ho, yo ho, a zombie's life for me"_

The front door burst open. Tom Riddle stood in the entryway. "What the devil are you doing in here? You have more important business outside!" The zombies turned to face him. They looked quite clueless. "Outside!" said Riddle. The zombies continue to look at him confused. Riddle made a motion with his hands to walk outside. The zombies nodded and followed him.

At the end of the street, Riddle waited for all of them to gather around. Decrepit faces with red eyes surrounded Riddle. He pointed his wand to his throat and said _"Sonorus"_ before he spoke again. "I gathered you all here because I have something to offer you…fresh meat!"

The zombies began to growl louder.

"All the fresh meat you could ever want is waiting for you right up there in that castle," he said pointing towards Hogwarts. "All you have to do is walk straight on up together, as a united front. Are you ready?"

The zombies turned straight towards the path to the castle.

"I said, are you READY?" yelled Riddle.

The zombies lifted their right arms in the air and gave an excited growl.

"Ayse Comibouth Tadalear…" hissed Riddle.

The zombies turned to look at Riddle with a collective "Huh?"

Riddle frowned. "Ayse Comibouth Tadalear…" he hissed again.

The zombies began to turn to one another and shrug their shoulders.

Riddle looked confused himself. After a moment, he lifted his eyebrows and realized what had occurred. "Sorry, I was talking in parseltongue. I said to look down and follow the yellow brick road up to Hogwarts."

The zombies nodded and looked downward. A path of gold led the way directly towards their Halloween feast.

Percy Weasley stood in front along side of Dolores Umbridge. He turned to her and growled, "Follow the yellow brick road."

She growled in reply, "follow the yellow brick road."

Voices growled behind them all saying "follow the yellow brick road.

Then, like clockwork, they all hooked arms and began to skip up the path.

"_We're off to see the Wizards, The Wonderful Wizard of Hog._

_You'll find they are a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz there was!_

_If ever oh ever a Wiz there was, the Wizards of Hog is many because,_

_Because, because, because, because, because._

_Because of the wonderful way they taste._

_We're off to see the Wizards. The Wonderful Wizards of Hog…warts."_

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore sitting outside in front of a small campfire roasting a marshmallow.

"And so the walking dead made their way towards Hogwarts, as our Magnificent Seven was unaware of what would be coming their way."

Dumbledore took a bite of his marshmallow. It was still hot so he yelled out loud. "OWW!"

He stuck out his tongue and began to wave his hand to cool it off. He spoke this way to close the episode.

"Poon din pepin puh paur pext pepisod pa _"Pan pe pa Ped!"_ Py pam Palpus Pepipal Pulpic Pepain Pumplepor, pand py pish poo pa pood pay."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER FOUR

[FADE TO]

Harry and Ron looked down at the list in Ron's hands. There were numerous items listed there, and neither one was sure how they were going to manage to get them all.

"Listen to this, guys," said Ron as Hermione, Ginny, Neville and the twins gathered around to hear what he had to say. "This is what's on the list:"

"_One spigot,_

_One tea cozy,_

_One lemon drop,_

_One unicorn tail hair,_

_One pumpkin pasty,_

_One enchanted parchment,_

_One knit elf hat,_

_One deck of exploding snap cards,_

_One philatracy of gushing love,_

_Three drops of Veritaserum,_

_One quick quotes quill,_

_One beaker bubotuber puss,_

_One "Support Cedric Diggory" badge,_

_One lightsaber,_

_One boomstick."_

"What the hell is a lightsaber?" asked Harry.

"Damned if I know," said George looking warily at Hermione.

"So what's a boomstick?" asked Neville.

"Damned if I know," said Fred looking warily at Hermione.

"What are you two looking at?" screeched Hermione at the twins.

"Nothing," said George.

"I'll never tell…" said Fred in a sing song voice, dancing away as Hermione took a swing at him in frustration.

"Oooh…" she growled as they stayed just out of her reach.

"Well," said Ron diplomatically, "let's get the first item. Where can we find a spigot?"

"How about Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?" said Harry while ducking to avoid being hit by Hermione as she lashed out at Fred. The looping kick flew over Harry's head and struck Neville square in the face.

He whimpered and cowered behind Ginny, sticking his face out over her shoulder.

"Oh, for goodness sake Neville, grow up!" said Ginny, her eyes glowing red for an instant. He scooted away from her and hid behind Ron.

"Oh bother," said Harry. "Let's just go."

[FADE TO]

Professor Dumbledore sat there in Madam Pomfrey's office, his tongue stuck out while she wrapped it with gauze. He started gesturing wildly with his hands. Suddenly, a small floating circle appeared to the left of him. There, inside the circle was a very disgruntled Draco Malfoy.

"Do I really have to do this?" he asked, obviously upset. Dumbledore gave him a stern look. He began gesturing again.

"So now, as we left off…" began Draco, looking at Dumbledore's hands. "The Magnificent Seven… wait a moment, I WILL NOT CALL THEM MAGNIFICENT!"

Dumbledore lashed out, striking Malfoy in the gonads. He curled up and moaned. Dumbledore waited patiently for him to finish, and then glared at him again. Malfoy started to speak again as Dumbledore's hands started again.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Malfoy spit out, "the Magnificent Seven, including the git and the Mudblood," another glare, "proceeded to the bathroom of one Moaning Myrtle to retrieve a spigot. Little could they realize what they would find there."

"Hey!" screamed Draco. Don't stop there! What did they fi…" He was cut off as Dumbledore grunted while giving Malfoy a death stare. "Oh, and he's Albus Percival Wulfdick Brainless Dumbledore." Dumbledore rose and flicked his wand. Where Malfoy had been sitting, there stood a small white ferret.

The ferret jumped out of the floating circle, looked at Dumbledore and turned its back to him. Squatting down on its haunches, the ferret proceeded to leave a 'present' for Dumbledore. Getting up and scratching its hind feet in the direction of the Headmaster, it exited stage left.

[FADE TO]

They entered into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and looked around. The lights were out, and it appeared to be deserted. They crept across the floor towards the sinks when they heard it. A low moaning sound was coming from one of the u-bends. They froze dead in their tracks and listened intently. After a moment or two they started being able to make out words.

"Oh yeah… that's it… oh… just like that…"

"Is that Myrtle?" whispered Ginny.

"Sure sounds like it," whispered Ron in response.

"Oh! Don't stop Casper, don't stop!"

"Casper?" whispered Hermione.

"He's a friendly ghost," said George.

"Apparently very friendly," said Fred.

"Oh God, I'm gonna be ill," said Harry, turning green.

"Neville," hissed Ron, "get a spigot, and let's get the hell out of here." Meanwhile the moaning was starting to reach a fever pitch.

Harry lost his dinner there on the floor. The moaning abruptly stopped.

"Who's there?" came Moaning Myrtle's voice from inside the u-bend. She stuck her head and shoulders out through the door. Her glasses were skewed on her nose, and one pig tail had come out. Her robes were down off her shoulders.

"Run!" screamed Ron, grabbing Harry and dragging him towards the door. The rest of them beat a hasty retreat, but Fred lingered by the door.

"Er, Myrtle? You've got a little ectoplasm there," he said making a wiping motion near the corner of his mouth with his finger. "Yeah, right there." He sped out the door laughing himself silly.

[FADE TO]

They ran down the stairs and out the door to the courtyard. They rounded the corner of one of the greenhouses and stopped to consider their next step.

"I'm gonna be traumatized for life," muttered Neville dejectedly.

"You and me both," whispered Ron, looking almost as green as Harry.

"If you would kindly return to the task at hand," Hermione said, taking on her 'taskmaster' role, "We can go into the greenhouse and collect the bubotuber puss and get out of here."

They crept around the side of the greenhouse, and froze. There, in front of the greenhouse were about twenty zombies milling around. In front of them was Tom Riddle.

"Cool costumes," whispered Neville.

"Yeah," whispered Fred and George together.

As they watched Tom started to talk.

"Alright, you's grunts. It's gonna be like this. I… urk!" He began to convulse, and then a great shudder wracked him. He started to shrink, his skin shriveling, and he grew even more thin and gaunt than he already was. He became almost skeletal, and his arms lengthened so he was touching the ground easily as he couched down on his haunches. His eyes had become large and pale, catching the moonlight in them.

"Where is it, Precious," he hissed. Then a couple of wretched coughs wracked his small body. "Gollum, Gollum."

"Bloody hell," whispered Ron.

"What the f…" said Ginny, grabbing her mouth and blushing furiously.

No more was said however, for at that very instant a strange gonging noise had started.

[CUE MICHAEL JACKSON'S THRILLER]

Riddle/Smeagol started to twitch. The zombies fell into four rows of five behind him. They picked up the rhythmic twitching as well. Soon they were all starting to dance. They all lifted one leg and their hands in unison, swaying from side to side. An eerie singing started.

"_It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark_

_Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart_

_You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it_

_You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,_

_You're paralyzed_

"_'Cause this is thriller, thriller night_

_And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike_

_You know it's thriller, thriller night_

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight"_

"Come on," urged George, "before they spot us."

"We've got to get out of here," said Ginny, "before one of them eats Neville."

"Yeah," said Ron, jumping and rolling before coming up with his wand out and starting to weave across the open space between them and the door to the greenhouse, his back hunched over.

"Tell me," said Fred, "does the rolling help?"

"Yeah, the rolling helps," said Ron with a sheepish grin.

They skidded to a stop in front of the door, but Harry couldn't seem to stop himself and went crashing right through the glass door. They looked worriedly at the zombies, who had started to dance in their direction.

Hermione grabbed a pair of dragon hide gloves and pulled them on. She ripped a bubotuber plant out of its pot and grabbed a beaker. "Come on!" she yelled, starting to run for it.

Ginny helped Harry up. He looked like a pin cushion, his body and face riddled with little shards of broken glass. He groaned as the twins swooped in behind him and picked him up by the armpits, carrying him away from the swaying zombies. The rest of them followed close behind.

[FADE TO]

Michael Corner sat quietly on the lakeside holding Cho Chang's hand. She was in tears.

"I can't believe that he would just leave me like that," said Cho

"I'll deal with Potter, Cho. You just stop worrying. He's nothing but a no good prat!" replied Michael.

Cho sniffled. "Thank you, Michael for coming out here to see if I'm alright. It means a great deal to me." She leaned her head closer to his.

"It's quite alright, Cho. If you were my girlfriend, I would never have treated you like that."

"You're so sweet." Cho gazed into Michael's eyes. She batted her eyelashes before she pressed her lips against his.

Michael wrapped his arms around her thin frame. He swooned as she let a small moan escape her throat.

The bushes behind them rustled loudly. They separated with a shock.

"What was that, Michael?"

"I don't know, Cho…could've been the wind."

"There isn't any wind, Michael. It's a clear night."

"Then it's probably just the ghosts of the castle lurking around."

Cho smiled at Michael. "Where were we?"

"Right here!" growled two zombies that appeared from the bushes.

Cho screamed as Michael stood and stepped in front of her.

"Michael, help me!"

"Who are you two?" asked Michael.

The zombies grinned before inching their way closer.

"Curse them, Michael!" screamed Cho.

"I left my wand back in the dorm," replied Michael.

"WHAT?"

"FOOOOOOD" uttered the zombies.

Cho pushed Michael directly into the zombies grasp. "Enjoy your meal!" she said as she ran away.

The sounds of bones crunching and muffled screams were heard, as Cho ran as fast as she could back to the castle, but fell when she ran into a tall frame of a man.

"Another young pretty for my harem," said Riddle.

Cho screamed out loud.

[CUT TO]

They made their way down to the dungeons, looking none the worse for the wear, except for Harry who was covered in bandages. He was moaning loudly with every step. Ginny helped him along, cursing at him quietly as he kept stepping on her feet.

They reached the outside of Snape's office and listened quietly at the door. Ginny placed her hand over Harry's mouth to stifle his moaning so the twins could hear. As they listened voices came from the room.

"Oh Voldie, you're such a big bad Dark Lord."

"Be quiet, knave, lest I make you regret being alive."

"Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me…who's my big dark daddy?"

"We need a diversion," whispered Fred.

"And we know just what to do," said George quietly. He pulled out what appeared to be a small pill. He tossed it into the air, and it sprouted bat wings and flew off down the hall.

"Quick, duck around the corner," whispered Fred. They all hurried to comply.

There was a deafening roar, and then a moment later Snape was exiting his office and running down the hall.

"What was that thing?" asked Ginny.

"Exploding diversionary bat pellet," said George with a grin.

Ron just groaned. They hurried into Snape's office. They skidded to a stop in front of his desk, looking down at a pair of hand puppets there. One was white skinned with red eyes, while the other appeared to have a large hooked nose and greasy hair. Uncontrollable giggles ripped through the group.

"We've got to get the potions," hissed Hermione. She wrenched open Snape's storage cabinet. She carefully poured three drops of a potion in a small vial and stoppered it.

"I'll get the other one," said Harry.

"No Mate, don't…" started Ron, but it was too late. Harry grabbed the vial and promptly slipped on a banana peel. Malfoy's curse had struck again. The contents had flown out and coated Neville who had been facing Ginny at the time. He shuddered, and a look of pure lust came to his face. He jumped on her and started thrusting his pelvis rapidly at her, while attempting to force his tongue into her mouth.

There was a loud BOOM and Neville was thrown backwards against the wall. He slid down the wall in a heap. Ginny appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up, her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked at the group. "Harry," she purred, "run."

Harry scrambled to get out of the dungeon followed closely by an enraged Ginny.

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore sat in his office once more. "It appears that our heroes have had a rough start to their scavenger hunt. Please join us again in tomorrow's presentation of Hogwarts Theater to find out how they will manage to continue in our stunning continuation of "Ron of the Dead." I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I wish you a good day."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER FIVE

[FADE TO]

Harry only got as far as Snape's dungeon door before he slammed into the door jam quite hard. He fell with a thud.

"I swear, Harry James Potter! If you keep this up, you'll end up getting yourself killed!" cried Ginny, who helped him back to his feet.

"Well, if you would just stop making me run for my life, I wouldn't be so accident prone," replied Harry.

"Just what the bloody hell is going on with you, Mate? Why are you so damned clumsy today?" asked Ron.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe it was whatever Malfoy hit me with."

"I wish we had time to go to the library so that I can check what he hit you with," said Hermione.

"Hermione, we have a scavenger hunt to win," said Ginny.

"I know, I know, but don't you ever get that feeling like you just need to pick up a good book?"

"Hermione, you have got to get out more and experience life," said Fred.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked an offended bushy-haired girl.

"Go out, get yourself a boyfriend, have some fun!" said George.

"With these teeth and this hair, I think that is highly unlikely," said Hermione.

Ron gave Hermione a quick look, hiding his blush from her. He had always liked her but now was not the time to share those feelings.

"Hey! I know where we can get a hold of the tea cozy, lemon drop and pumpkin pasty!" cried Harry.

"Where, Mate?" asked Ron.

"The kitchens of course," said Fred with a big grin.

"Yeah, I could go for a bite to eat at the moment," said Ron.

"You'll bite someone's arm off if they don't pass food fast enough to you," said George.

They rounded the corner and saw a zombie gnawing on a severed arm. "Just like that!" exclaimed Fred. The six began to giggle and Ron muttered profanity under his breath.

They arrived at the painting. Fred tickled the pear and the door opened into the kitchens. They found it unusually deserted.

"What's this?" said Fred.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron.

"It's never this empty," said George.

"Let's just get what we came here for then," said Ginny.

The seven scattered around looking for their items. The twins walked past a wall lined with flaming rotisserie skewers where house elves were roasting under a pit fire.

"Do you smell something, Fred?"

"Hmmm, maybe we're having sausage for breakfast and they are getting an early start?" replied George. They continue to walk by.

"I found the tea cozy!" yelled Hermione.

"I found the lemon drop!" yelled Ginny.

"Ron, did you find a pumpkin pasty?" asked Harry.

"Yah, I fou i' 'arry," said Ron with a mouthful of pumpkin. He hid the evidence back into his pocket.

Harry came around the corner and saw Ron fumbling with his hands. "What was that, Ron?"

Ron gulped, "I said I found the pumpkin pasty."

"Ron, why are you sweating?" asked Hermione who just arrived at Ron's side.

"It's just hot in here," said Ron nervously.

"We found an elf hat!" yelled the twins.

"Great!" said Ron. "We got one extra item off the list. What's next?"

"We could go down to Hagrid's for the unicorn hair tail?" said Harry.

"Let's go!" said everyone. They filed out the kitchen as the rotisseries turned again revealing one little elf who flashed a large smile and waved as he held a sign on his chest that said, "Hi Mom."

[FADE TO]

A young, blond haired boy sat behind Dumbledore's desk.

"It's amazing that the Gryffindor idiots have found those items. At this point, they were in the lead, but soon their hunt would come to an end as they find themselves to become the hunted," sneered Draco. "On a side note, I think that this program is stupid! I encourage you all not to watch it any further. This is not only a waste of your time but of your tax dollars as well."

Draco leaned closer to the camera and whispered. "And if you didn't know, Dumbledore is a member of a secret organization that thinks it can stop the Dark Lord. It is called the Ord…" Draco Malfoy turned into a white ferret once again. He hopped off the desk and into Dumbledore's chair.

"I thought I told you to stop that, Mr. Malfoy" said Dumbledore hunched over while chastising the ferret. "Now off with you!" The ferret squatted for a moment before leaping off the chair.

"My apologies for this interruption, but now I am happy to return you to Episode Five of what will become a true classic…"Ron of the Dead."

Dumbledore sat down. A squishy sound could be heard under his robes. A look of gloom overcame his old face. "MALFOY!" he yelled getting up quickly and walking off camera.

"Cut! Get the room freshener!" said a voice off camera.

"WAIT!" said Dumbledore off camera. He peered around the camera and into the lens. "I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Now, back to the show!"

[FADE TO]

The Magnificent Seven arrived at Hagrid's hut. Ron motioned to knock on the door, but Hermione held him back. "He can't be home, Ron. He was at the Ball when we last saw him."

"But that was a couple of hours ago, Hermione. I'm just trying to be polite if he is home," said Ron.

"Or just careful that Moaning Myrtle doesn't have a thing for half-giants also," said Fred.

"That too!" said George.

Ron knocked on the door. "Hagrid? It's us, can we come in?"

The door opened. Hagrid stood there with his crossbow in hand.

"Get in here quick!" shouted Hagrid.

They all leapt inside and shut the door behind them.

"What's up, Hagrid?" asked Harry.

"You mean, you don't see 'em?" said Hagrid.

"See what?" said Ginny.

"Hogwarts is overrun by zombies!" said Hagrid.

The twins started laughing. "Hagrid, it's Halloween and we're not little kids anymore. Stop trying to scare us!" said Fred.

"Right said, Fred!" said George.

"I'm telling ya, there'll be killins 'round here 'gain!"

"Look Hagrid, we just wanted to know if you had a unicorn hair," said Hermione.

"Huh? Oh sure!" said Hagrid, getting up and retrieving the unicorn hair. He gave it to Hermione. "How's the scavenger hunt going?"

"Pretty good," Harry answered. "We're almost halfway done."

Loud groans could be heard outside of Hagrid's hut. Hagrid stood upright and aimed his crossbow at the front door. "You lot, stay inside!" Hagrid opened the door slowly and stepped outside. He was staring at a horde of thirty zombies. Hagrid began to fire his crossbow into the skulls of the zombies. Unfortunately there were too many and they got closer and closer to the Gameskeeper.

"We've got to do something!" cried out Hermione.

Harry stood and ran outside. "Hagrid, run!"

"Stay back, 'arry!" said Hagrid while still firing.

Harry drew out his wand and pointed it directly at the zombies.

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_

Prongs came out of Harry's wand and proceeded to run around the zombies and hit Hagrid directly in the chest. He fell down surrounded by a cloud of smoke.

The other six came out of Hagrid's hut. Neville began waving the smoke around Hagrid until it cleared. What was revealed was beyond words. Hagrid was a tall yellow duck wearing a bonnet, a bow tie, a small t-shirt and a large diaper. Hagrid the duck began to cry.

Hermione and Ginny knelt down besides Hagrid and soothed his head. "Hagrid, it's okay," said Hermione.

Hagrid continue to wail. "I'm only three and a half years old!" he spoke in a squeaky voice.

The seven helped Hagrid the duck up to his feet. Hagrid put a wing in his mouth and sucked on it.

"Now what do we do?" said Ron angrily.

"'arry," said Hagrid the duck.

"Yes Hagrid," said Harry turning around to face him.

"I have to go potty, 'arry."

"Harry," purred Ginny, "run."

They all ran as fast as they can away from the inevitable. Hagrid looked at the zombies that still remained. His face contorted and clenched tightly. The zombies began to sniff the air around them, then made a quick retreat.

[FADE TO]

The Magnificent Seven ran back to the castle and right up to the Astronomy Tower. They looked over the side and around the perimeter of the castle.

"They're everywhere!" said Ginny.

"There's got to be hundreds!" said Ron.

Hermione turned to Harry. "Harry, why did you use the Patronus Charm?"

"I thought that if it could work for Dementors, it should work for zombies."

"Did you notice that Hagrid was only aiming for the head?" said Fred.

"Yeah. It must have something to do with killing the brain," said George.

Ron sighed. "Then that's what we'll have to do?"

They drew collective gasps. "What do you mean, we Kemosabe?" said Neville.

"We'll have to kill them ourselves," replied Ron.

"Since when did we become zombie hunters?" asked Hermione.

"Ron's right! We have to save everyone!" said Harry heroically. "And the first thing we have to do is figure out a curse that will kill them."

Harry pulled out his wand, but Ron grabbed his arm. "Er, Mate. I better take your wand for a while. You know, until this spell goes away or unless we find a cure for it."

"What spell?" asked Harry annoyed.

"Well, your clumsiness," said Ron.

""I feel fine, Ron. Let go of my arm. Your hand's all sweaty!"

"Come on, Mate. Give me your wand."

"I said no, Ron!" They struggled with the wand until sparks flew out the tip and hit Fred. Fred appeared baldheaded and shirtless. He was quite ripped. Ginny's mouth fell open while Hermione stood there drooling.

Fred looked down at himself and then looked up at the others. He took a few steps and stood in the middle of them.

"Fred, are you alright?" asked George. Fred opened his lips.

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

_And I'm too sexy for this school too sexy for school_

_Hogsmeade and London_

_And I'm too sexy for your hunt_

_Too sexy for your hunt_

_No way I'm killin' zombies_

_I'm a model, you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah_

_I do my little turn on the catwalk."_

Hermione was swaying with Fred's lyrics, unbuttoning her shirt.

George waved his wand over Fred who returned to normal.

"Wha happen?" asked Fred.

"You don't want to know," said Ginny.

"Hermione, are you alright?" asked Ron who was blushing while looking at Hermione's shirt opened revealing a black brassiere.

"Huh?" She looked down and quickly began to button her shirt back up. "Sorry, I must have got hit with the wand also," she said blushing.

Ginny eyed Hermione slyly.

"Look, we may have to use our bare hands to get rid of these zombies," said Ron. "So, I have this to help us." Ron pulled the Halloween Scepter from under his robes.

"Where did you get that, little bro?" asked George.

"I saw it in Hagrid's hut so I took it before we all left," said Ron.

"What do you intend to do with that?' asked Hermione.

"Hit the first zombie I see over the head with it," said Ron.

"Swing away, lil' bro, swing away!" said Fred.

"Right, erm, I guess we'll go look for weapons for you now. Let's go."

Ron led the way down the stairs and back into the castle, followed by the rest of the team.

They walked quietly around each corner. The coast was clear in many areas, but when they reached Trelawney's classroom, they were in for a shock.

Sibyll Trelawney stood surrounded by several zombies looking at the seven.

"Supper!" growled Trelawney. They approached the seven hungrily.

"Stand back!" cried out Ron. They turned to see Ron holding a crystal ball. He held it in his right hand and pulled it back before releasing it forward across the floor. The zombies fell down like bowling pins.

"STRIKE!" yelled Harry.

Trelawney held Hermione is her grasp and tilted her head backwards. Trelawney lowered her open mouth upon Hermione's throat.

Ginny turned around and cried out, "HERMIONE, NO!"

Ron stood in the middle of the room holding the Scepter aloft. "HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

Fred nudged George and whispered, "That means that Mighty Ronnikins is on the way!"

Ron ran forward and swung as hard as he could against Trelawney's head. Her head split in two, showering them all with speckles of blood and brain matter.

"IT'S OUTTA HERE!" yelled Harry.

Hermione fell forward and embraced Ron tightly. "My hero!" she cried.

"It's okay, Hermione. I won't let anything happen to you, ever."

Hermione sniffled on his shirt. When she stood up again, a long went string stretched from her nose to the wet stain on his shirt.

"Let's get out of here!" said Neville. They all nodded in agreement.

They started to make their way down the ladder again. Ginny was the last to come down, when the ladder began to make creaking sounds. She looked up and saw several more zombies trying to pull the ladder back up towards their awaiting masses,

"Ginny, jump!" cried Harry.

"Let go, Sis!" yelled Ron.

"Someone will have to catch me!" she yelled back.

"Go ahead, Ginny! We're ready!" yelled the twins.

Ginny let go of the ladder and plunged downwards.

A mysterious figure walked around the corner dressed in black, with her hair up in a bun.

Harry, who was directly under Ginny, exclaimed," She's mine!"

Hermione looked at the woman who just appeared and gasped, "Frau Blücher!"

Somewhere in the background, a horse's neigh is heard.

Harry turned to hear her name and took his attention off of Ginny. Ginny landed hard and bounced off the cement. She rubbed her backside and she squinted right at Harry.

Ginny now appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up, her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked at the group. "Harry," she purred, "run."

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore can be seen cleaning his robes with a damp cloth, while wrapped in only a towel. He is sitting behind his desk as Fawkes keep spilling Phoenix tears on the brown stain.

"So, the action begins for the Magnificent Seven. Tune in next time as the story kicks into high gear. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and this has been another edition of Hogwarts Theatre."

Dumbledore smiles and then stands from behind his desk. He takes a few steps away from the camera, never noticing that his towel had apparently been caught on the edge of the desk and slipped on his body.

Off camera, we hear a woman scream.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER SIX

[FADE TO]

They ran out of there as fast as their legs would carry them. Down the stairs from the North Tower they ran, dodging more and more zombies as they got closer to the entry chamber.

Seeing a crowd of zombies in front of them, they decided to risk the Great Hall. They opened the doors and moved inside, quickly shutting themselves in and away from the zombies.

As they did so, they heard the unmistakable sound of movement from within. Turning around, they saw a number of girls from the school in the hall. There was Cho Chang, Pansy Parkinson, Lavender Brown, Padma and Parvati Patil, Susan Bones, and Hannah Abbott. They were all dressed in lacy pink teddies, with a matching pink panties.

Everyone froze. Ron, the twins, and Neville were all standing stock still taking in the sight. Harry, who was still trying to avoid pissing off Ginny any more than was absolutely necessary, was studiously looking at anything but the girls.

"Look," Hermione said. "They look kind of, well, evil."

Harry looked up and saw what she meant. The girls were swaying slightly, and their faces were just a little off from what they should be. Harry noticed that Ron, Neville and the twins were swaying with them.

Deciding that it was up to him, he swung into action. Pulling his wand he pointed it towards Pansy, who was the nearest. "_Intimus Devidus!_" he yelled. Unfortunately Hermione had noticed him going for his wand and had knocked into his arm, spoiling his aim. A yellow beam shot from the wand and sped for the ceiling, hitting a large mirror ball that was suspended there. The beam split and shot back down, striking each of the twins. Suddenly where there had been two, there were now four Weasley twins.

"Who the hell are you?" asked one of them.

"Well I'm Fred."

"And I'm George."

"That's nice, I'm Gred, and he's Forge," said the first one to speak.

"Wicked!" they all said in unison.

"This has definite possibilities," said Forge, or maybe it was Gred, or George, or whoever.

They all grinned identical grins. Then they noticed the girls and froze. It was as if they were mesmerized.

"Good evening Mr. Weasley," said Pansy.

"Good evening," echoed all the others.

"Hope you're planning to stay," Pansy said.

"Planning to stay," the others mirrored softly. They were slowly advancing on the quadruplets.

Hermione shook Neville. "We've got to get out of here!"

Neville shook his head to clear it. "No," he said, "you get the boys out. I'll handle the girls."

"But you'll be killed!" shrieked Hermione, as Ginny started rounding up the boys.

"I don't thinks so," Neville said with a grin. He whirled around to face Pansy. "Hello girls."

"Hello Mr. Longbottom, you can't resist our charms."

"Au contraire, girls, I think it's you who can't resist me." He raised one hand over his head, and balanced on one foot while the other was perched with just a toe touching the ground.

[CUE DIVINYLS SONG]

Music started in the background, and Neville started to sway. The girls got very puzzled looks on their faces.

"_I love myself  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feeling down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me."_

Neville pulled at his shirt, and it ripped off, leaving him bare from the waist up. Lavender's head started to spin. Soon it was joined by the Patil twins' heads.

"_I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you I touch myself  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no."_

Neville ran his fingers through his hair, and then down the side of his face. He kept going with both hands till they rested on his breasts. He tweaked his nipples and all three girls' heads exploded.

"_You're the one who makes me come running  
You're the sun who makes me shine  
When you're around I'm always laughing  
I want to make you mine."  
_

He started rocking his hips back and forth. Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones had lost control of their heads now. He thrust his hips out and ripped off his pants, revealing a pair of underwear with the Hogwarts flag on them. Heads exploded.

"_I close my eyes  
And see you before me  
Think I would die  
If you were to ignore me  
A fool could see  
Just how much I adore you  
I get down on my knees  
I'd do anything for you."_

He spun around and started sticking his bum out at Pansy and Cho, all that was left of the girls. Smoke had started to pour out of their ears.

"_I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you I touch myself  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no_

_I want you  
I don't want anybody else  
And when I think about you I touch myself  
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah."_

He spanked himself, and there were two separate clunks as the bodies hit the floor. He smiled to himself and grabbed a spare robe. He turned to go and stopped dead in his tracks. There, standing in front of him was…

"Luna, hi," he squeaked. "I was just, er…"

"At ease soldier," she said, looking him over, her gaze stopping on the down swing. "I just stopped by to grab some things. Bye." With that she skipped off merrily. Neville took a couple of moments to slip on the robe before moving to join the rest.

[FADE TO]

Albus Dumbledore stood in front of the castle as people went screaming by in the background. "Alright, that was just silly. Enough of this silliness. We will now return to our presentation of Ron of the Dead, without anymore silliness."

[FADE TO]

Peter Pettigrew walked towards Hogwarts in the now deserted town of Hogsmeade. He noticed almost too late as the keep left signs made their attack run…

[FADE TO]

Albus Dumbledore looked furious. Steam rolled from his ears, and his eyes rolled back into his head until only the whites could be seen. He took several deep breaths to calm himself, and then opened his eyes. "Oh bugger this, I need a siesta." He turned on his heel, and exited, stage right.

[FADE TO]

They ran out into the night. Looking around, they could make out something lighting up the night beyond the greenhouses. They made their way cautiously around greenhouse two. As they approached the other side, they could hear a strange, loud humming noise.

Creeping around the corner, they saw a small man dressed in a black tunic and pants, with a black cloak. He had what appeared to be a sword made of a green light, and he was busy cutting down a group of zombies. He finished them off, and shut down the sword. He turned to face the group. As he turned the group could make out sandy blonde hair.

The quadruplets had their wands out, obviously not trusting this stranger. Before they could do anything however, Ginny had strode past them. "Hello Luke," she said, her voice sounding strangely different, yet the same.

The man looked at her in confusion. He took in the red hair, and the confident expression that had come over her. "Mara?"

"In a different life," she replied. "Give me my saber." She stuck out her hand expectantly.

He looked at her for a moment, and unhooked a small cylinder attached to his belt. Handing it over he stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Remember to come home to me," he whispered.

Harry's face had turned beet red by now. He lost all semblance of reason, and was beginning to charge the man when he tripped over a large brown great dane.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked.

"Ri'm Rooby," said the dog in reply. His tongue rolled out of his mouth. "Ri'm rungry." He started sniffing around for something to eat.

He got to the edge of the greenhouse when he came face to face with a crowd of zombies. With a shriek, he came up running. Seeing what he saw, the seven, sorry nine, started to run as well. The zombies shambled along after them.

Every way they turned there were more zombies. They were being herded towards the maze, where they would surely be over run.

"Scooby Doo, where are you?" came a cry through the night.

[CUE SCOOBY DOO THEME]

"Rover here!"

They made their way to the maze, and then the twins, one pair anyway had an idea.

As they stopped to decide what to do, a zombie chorus that was off to the side started to sing.

"_Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?_

_We've got some work to do now._

_Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?_

_We need some help from you now._

_Come on Scooby Doo, I see you,_

_Pretending you got a sliver,_

_But you're not foolin' me, cause I can see,_

_The way you shake and shiver."_

The zombies were really groovin' now. One had spun on his heels and gone into a split. Another was break dancing and was now spinning on his head.

"_You know we've got a mystery to solve_

_So Scooby Doo be ready for your act,_

_Don't hold back_

_And Scooby Doo if you come through_

_Your gonna have yourself a Scooby snack, _

_That's a fact._

_Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?_

_You're ready and you're willin',_

_If we can count on you, Scooby Doo,_

_I know we'll catch that villain."_

Gred and Forge looked at the rest of the group. "Go on and get back to the castle, we'll distract them," they said together

"But you'll be killed!" wailed Fred.

"Or worse, expelled!" screeched Hermione. The quadruplets all shot her a withering look. She blushed and looked at the ground.

"We'll be okay, don't worry, be happy," said Forge.

"Yeah, we've got a plan. Scooby, you're with us," said Gred.

"Rokay."

"Now go!" yelled Gred and Forge. The seven sped up the hillside, not daring to look back.

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore's office, which is now empty. Somewhere in the background, crickets chirped. Soon a toad croaked and the crickets went silent.

After an indeterminable amount of time, Winky the house elf came tumbling out from off stage. She was thinner than before, and there were small bruises on the insides of her elbows. Her eyes were hollow and dead, and she had great saggy bags under them. She picked herself up off the floor and cowered for a moment in fear, then held up a sign that appeared to have been very hastily hand written saying TO BE CONTINUED…

[FADE TO BLACK]


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER SEVEN

[CUE CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore's private bathroom is filled with Italian marble and lighted candles creating the aura of soft illumination. In the tub, Albus Dumbledore sits in a pool of bubbles. His trusty rubber duck is by his side.

"Welcome my friends as we are almost at our conclusion to our future award-winning movie, "Ron of the Dead." I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and I thank you for tuning in to Hogwarts Theatre. As you know, after a hard day's work, we all need a little rest and relaxation. Alas, there can be none for our Magnificent Seven. Watch as their perils continue in this next installment."

[FADE TO]

The chase continued back inside and throughout the halls of Hogwarts. Every new hall or classroom the Magnificent Seven entered, there would be another several zombies waiting for them, ready to eat.

They sprinted down another hall and into Flitwick's classroom. They all stopped to rest for a moment.

"This is getting ridiculous!" said Ron.

"We're giving it all we can, Captain!" said the twins.

Ron turned towards the twins. "Huh?"

"Nothing," said Fred.

"We don't have enough weapons, Ron!" said Harry angrily.

"You think I don't know that, Mate?" replied Ron. "Ginny, do you think you can try your Bat Bogey hex on some of those meat eaters?"

"I can try, but I can't guarantee anything," said Ginny.

"As long as it gives us a chance to escape, then it was worth it," said Hermione.

"Is there any chance of making a run at the dorms? Fred and I have some stuff stashed away for a rainy day," said George.

"What kind of stuff?" asked Neville.

"Stuff to make Umbridge's life impossible!" said Fred.

"It's worth a shot…Ron?" Neville reluctantly said.

"We have no choice. We'll need anything we can get," spoke Ron.

"Wouldn't it be easier to get some brooms so that we can get away from here?" said Ginny.

"No, because there may still be survivors," said Harry. "We have to save them!"

Ginny rolled her eyes.

"I think we should try to use the _Impedimenta _curse and Ginny's Bat Bogey hex. It should give us enough time to get back to the dorms," said Ron.

"Let's go then!" said Harry, pulling out his wand.

Everyone jumped on Harry and wrestled his wand away from him. The twins placed him in a full body bind. Hermione then yelled _Mobilicorpus_, and Harry floated in the air.

"Hey! Get off! What are you doing?"

"Sorry Mate, it's for our own protection," said Ron.

"Sod off, Weasley! Get me down from here!" yelled Harry.

Ginny walked over to Harry and looked down into his face. "Now you can't run," she said as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

They left Flitwick's classroom and walked down the halls towards the Gryffindor common room. They encountered several zombies along the way which did become victims of the _Impedimenta _curse and Ginny's Bat Bogey hex quite successfully. They reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and already found it opened. The six walked in with Harry floating behind.

Several zombies were already inside sitting around the fireplace drinking flagons of butterblood. They swayed back and forth groaning a tune. The six snuck inside and stood behind the zombies.

"They're pissed!" said Ron.

"Apparently so," said Hermione.

"We're going then," said Fred.

Fred and George made their way upstairs to the dorms, and returned after a minute with a brown box.

"You have what we need?" asked Ginny.

"Not to worry, Ginny. We have come quite prepared," said George.

The six made their way back down the staircases and towards the Room of Requirement. Once inside, they placed a sealing charm that ensured their safety.

Fred and George opened the box and unloaded several small crystal balls.

"What's that?" asked Neville.

"Smoke screens," said Fred. "You throw them in front of someone and smoke surrounds that person. Then it forms a solid screen that holds them inside the cell for an hour."

"Wicked!" exclaimed Ron.

"But we only have seven, so we'll have to use them wisely," said George.

"Okay, we can use them when we are outnumbered. Let's hand one to each of us to use in an emergency," said Ron.

The twins passed them out and realized that there was one extra. "George, how many did we have?"

"Seven, why?"

"I have one extra."

The twins looked at each other and frowned.

"Uh, guys," said Neville, "where's Harry?"

They all looked around the room.

"Didn't you bring him with us?" asked Ron.

"No, I thought the Ginny was taking care of him," said Neville.

"No, I thought that Hermione was because she levitated him in the first place," said Ginny.

They turned to face Hermione, who only shrugged.

"Bloody Hell!" said Ron as he bolted out of the Room of Requirement followed by the others.

They made their way back to the Gryffindor common room and finally found Harry. One zombie held his head, while another held his feet. They swung him around in circles while another zombie jumped over him every time he passed.

"He's a bloody jump rope!" said Ron. The others giggled around him.

Ron rushed forward and began swinging the Scepter at the zombies' skulls. The others began launching various spells, just to give them enough time to get Harry. Ron stuck his wand in the air and yelled _"Accio Harry!"_ Harry floated back to the six. They quickly lowered him back to the ground and removed the binding spell. Harry stood finally and gave everyone deadly stares. They ran back out of the common room and down the stairs. They looked around to see if the coast was clear. It had been for a moment.

Ron placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "It's so good to see that you're alright, Mate."

Yeah Harry, we were worried there," said Hermione.

Harry looked at everyone. His eyes began to glow red. "Er, guys…"

"Yes, Harry?" said Ginny.

Harry purred, "Run."

The six took off with Harry in pursuit yelling after them. "THEY MADE ME A BLOODY TOY! DO YOU HEAR ME? A BLOODY TOY! IF I GET MY HANDS ON ALL OF YOU, I'M GOING TO STRING ALL OF YOU BY YOUR THROATS!"

Ron turned to Hermione as they were running, "Threats…just don't…become him…do…they?"

The twins ran past Ron and muttered, "We're too old for this crap!"

Suddenly, the twins stopped dead in their tracks and held their arms out to catch Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville. They parted the way as Harry came running down. He continued running past them and then began to slide across the floor and right into two zombies that were standing at the end of the hall. He took them both down with his own momentum.

Ron ran to Harry's side and kneeled down besides him. He looked at the zombies who were unconscious, and to Harry who was angrier than before. Ron waved his hands in a free motion and yelled, "HE'S SAFE!"

The others began to scream and yell and they began to perform a mock wave.

Ron helped Harry to his feet. More zombies appeared quickly. Leading the assault was Tom Riddle. "Potter, no time for extra innings! It's time for this game to end right now." Riddle waved his wand and almost a hundred zombies appeared at his side.

The seven took off again down the hall with the zombies in close pursuit. They rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight. The zombies stopped and looked around. Riddle walked in front of his menagerie and also looked around, wondering where the seven went.

Then, one lone figure came running back towards them. His red hair was unmistakable. Fred stopped in front of Riddle and looked at him for a moment. He then outstretched his hand and pushed Riddle in the chest playfully, muttering the infamous words, _"BOTHER!"_ Fred turned and ran back down the hall, catching up with his teammates.

Riddle screamed out loud, "NOBODY BOTHERS ME AND LIVES! AFTER THEM, MY GHOULS!"

The zombies walked at a quicker pace down the next hall and out of sight.

Riddle stood there with an evil glint in his eye. From under his cloak then, he pulled a pair of hand puppets. One was white skinned with red eyes, while the other appeared to have a large hooked nose and greasy hair. He looked down on the greasy haired puppet and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at it. "Who's your big dark daddy?"

[CUT TO]

The team arrived panting in front of the closed doors of the Great Hall. Harry managed to slide past the entrance when he attempted to stop running, and fell onto his backside hard.

"Alright there, mate?" asked Ron.

"I think I won't live long enough to fight Voldemort at this rate."

Fred bent over and placed his hands on his knees. George places his hand on his brother's back and rubbed it. "Alright, Fred?"

"Just a stitch in my side," replied Fred.

A growl appeared to come from around the corner. Ginny dropped to one knee and aimed for the inevitable. Sure enough, two more zombies came into view. Ginny shot her bat bogey hex at both. The zombies walked away as they dealt with the repercussions of Ginny's anger.

Ron held the Halloween Scepter firmly in his right hand. "You all wait here. I'm going to check if there are anymore."

Ron walked towards the direction of where the zombies first appeared. He peered around the corner and came nose to nose with another zombie who had the same idea in mind. Ron retreated, placing his back against the wall. After a moment, he looked around again, and came nose to nose with the zombie once more. He pulled back and thought for a moment. Then, Ron turned around and placed his left foot out. The zombie did the same. Ron pulled his foot back and stuck out his left hand. The zombie did the same. This time, Ron made circles with his hand. The zombie followed suit.

[CUE MUSIC]

Ron jumped out and shook his hips. The zombie followed the same move. Ron jumped back behind the wall and raised his hand to his eyebrows. He pulled on them for a moment, thinking of what to do next. Then, as if a light bulb turned on, he took a deep breath and got ready to end this game.

Ron stepped forward, holding the Scepter like a cane. He began to sing and dance to the lyrics.

"_If you're blue,_

_and you don't know where to go to,_

_why don't you go where fashion sits..._"

The zombie jumped out as well and growled the conclusion.

"_Puttin' on the…_"

CRACK! With one swing, Ron crushed the zombie's head with the Scepter.

"Ickle Ronnikins, are you finished playing with the mean ol' zombie yet?" asked George.

Ron walked back to the team. Fred was mocking Ron's dance. "Shut it!" said Ron.

More grunts can be heard coming from further down the hall. "There's more on their way," said Harry, "what are we going to do, Ron?"

"I don't know, mate!" Ron said. He turned towards Hermione. "Hermione…think of something quick!" Hermione had a quizzical expression plastered on her scowl. Then, she looked down and began to click her heels. "There's no place like home; there's no place like home."

"Hermione, what the bloody hell are you doing?" Ron asked. "Oh, sorry Ron. Only thing I can think of at the moment" replied Hermione.

Harry interrupted, "Hey! What time is it?"

"It's ten past ten," said Hermione.

"Really?" said Ginny.

"WOW!" said Fred. "That's astounding!"

"What is?" asked Ron.

"That time is so fleeting," said George.

"Yeah! After dealing with this for a few hours, I'm surprised that madness hasn't taken its toll yet," said Fred.

The thumping beat of a guitar could be heard coming from the opposite side of the doors leading to the Great Hall. The sound was faint, but steady.

"Shhhh...listen closely," said Ginny.

The grunts from the hallway were heard much closer now.

"Not for much longer," said Hermione.

"Right you are!" replied Ginny with a determined tone.

Ginny took a step back and shouted, "Alohamora!" The doors opened wide. Inside the Great Hall were rows upon rows of zombies standing in straight lines. The music stopped. They all turned to look at Ron and the team. Ron made a small whining sound. "Bloody hell!" A zombie band was now standing on the stage, instruments in hand. They began to play again.

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" growled the band.

[CUT TO DUMBLEDORE]

"_It's just a jump to the left!_" said the Headmaster jumping to his left.

[CUT TO THE GREAT HALL]

"_And then a step to the right!_" growled the zombies.

[CUT TO DUMBLEDORE]

"_With your hands on your hips!_" he said placing his hands on his hips.

[CUT TO THE GREAT HALL]

"_You bring your knees in tight!_" growled the zombies again.

Ron motioned for the team to form their own straight line. They stood at attention and then belted out their own lyrics. "_But it's the pelvic thrust. That really drives you insane!_"

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" growled the zombies.

Hermione jumped out of line and took over.

"_It's so dreamy,_

_oh, fantasy free me._

_So you can't see me,_" she wagged a finger at the nearest zombie,

"n_o, not at all._

_In another dimension,_

_with voyeuristic intention,_" she sang looking at Ron with a lustful stare.

"_Well secluded, but I see all._" Ron blushed.

Fred and George jumped in.

"_With a bit of a mind flip_," sang Fred.

"_You're into this charmed slip_," sang George.

"_And nothing can ever be the same_," sang Fred.

"_I'm spaced out on sensation_," sang George.

"_Like I'm under sedation_," sang Fred.

"Don't I wish!" yelled Harry.

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" growled the zombies.

Ginny jumped into Harry's arms. He caught her as she began to sing her own tune.

"_Well I was walking down the hall,_

_just a having-a-ball,_

_when the death of a guy gave me an evil eye._

_He shook-a-me up,_

_he took me by surprise; _

_he had a rotted face and the devil's eyes._

_He stared at me and I felt a change_

_time meant nothing, never would again_," Ginny sang.

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" growled the zombies.

The music faded, and everyone including the zombies collapsed onto the floor. Ron blinked several times looking upwards at the enchanted ceiling. "Uh, why are we on the floor?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," said Hermione.

"I couldn't hold Ginny any longer," said Harry.

"Yeah, thanks for dropping me," said Ginny rubbing her tushy.

"I say that we were moved to the music," said Fred.

"Right you are, dear brother!" said George.

"I say that we skedaddle," said Ron. He pushed himself off the floor and back up to his feet. Watching the zombies still laying down, he motioned for the team to move quickly. They all got up and left the Great Hall, closing the door behind them.

"That was close," spoke Ron. The rest of the team looked horrified. "What?" he asked. Fred pointed behind him. Ron turned to face a new horde of zombies.

"Harry," Ginny purred.

"Yeah, Ginny?" he replied.

"Run!" Off the Magnificent Seven went down another hall.

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore's office where Fawkes is doing the time warp on his perch, but Dumbledore is nowhere in sight. In the background, you can hear voices arguing.

"I said I wanted original black tea. This is a tea from a silly little bag."

"I'm sorry Professor. I'll get you fresh tea right now."

"Albus, you're back on."

"Listen to me…do not tell me when I'm on and not on. I'll decide when I want to go back in front of the camera!"

"Your fresh tea, sir."

"BLAH! I said two lumps!"

"Uh, Albus, the audience can hear you."

Albus Dumbledore stuck his face around the camera. His face was drawn upon a close-up. He quickly smiled.

"Due to technical difficulties, ladies and gentlemen, we will take you right back to "Ron of the Dead."

[CUT TO]

Gred and Forge are standing just outside the Maze handing galleons to a black cat holding a yellow and black speckle bag.

"That's twenty galleons, right?" asked Gred.

"Righty-O!" said the cat.

"Thanks, Mate!" said Forge.

[CUT TO]

Ron's robes were a bloody mess. He waved his wand over them. _"Scourgify!"_

Hermione looked concerned, "Where to now? We've pretty much exhausted every possible location here at the castle."

"Well, what about the secret chamber leading back to Honeydukes?" said Harry.

"Only as a last resort, Mate," said Ron. "I have a pretty good guess that those zombies came from Hogsmeade in the first place.

"Well, we can't just keep standing here in the hallway all night with a piece of wood, a few wands, some glass balls and a clumsy Harry," said Ginny.

Harry shot her an evil look. Ginny noticed Harry and stuck her tongue out at him. Harry licked his lips instinctively. Ginny waggles her eyebrows and approached him closer. "How's your stomach, Harry?"

"It's fine, why?"

Ginny was disappointed. "Oh well," she said and took several steps back.

"Come out, come out my pretties," rang a soft, feminine voice from behind another corner. Ron turned pale. Harry slapped his head.

"It can't be!" cried Hermione.

"The Hog in Hogwarts has returned," said Fred.

"I knew I smelled pork," said George.

Dolores Umbridge appeared to be leading a large group of flesh-eating followers. Her face was as cracked as a dry heel. Her eyes rained blood down her cheeks. Her pointed teeth had bits of flesh embedded in between. "Ah, Mr. Potter and his friends. I hope you are aware that it is time for your detention. Now, if you would kindly give me your hands, I shall make do with a late night snack."

"Ron?" said Hermione.

Ron stood in front of her holding the Scepter in place. "Stay behind me, Hermione!"

"We're outnumbered," said Neville.

"This is not good," said Harry. "This is certainly not good!"

The sound of a time warp opening echoed throughout the halls. The zombies clasped their hands over their ears and walked quickly away. Umbridge looked around in a state of panic. The sound grew closer and louder. The Magnificent Seven stood and watched the body of Dolores Umbridge disappear under the shadow of a large object. The object came into focus and materialized into the shape of a blue London police telephone box.

The seven looked at each other in awe. They looked down and saw the feet and stocking covered legs of Dolores Umbridge shriveled up under the weight of the box. The doors opened and a man with bushy brown hair and large teeth appeared. He was wrapped in a larger than life scarf. He looked around, then his eyes met Hermione's. He walked directly over to her. "Are we related?"

"I don't think so," said a cautious Hermione. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor. I heard that you may be needing some assistance with this zombie crisis."

"I think you've already helped us out, Mate," said Fred, pointing to what was left of Dolores Umbridge.

"Huh?" said the Doctor. He turned around and saw the nasty fishnet-layered legs. "Oh…well, glad I could be of service then."

The twins sang out in joy.

"_Ding Dong! The Pig is dead._

_Which old Pig? The Wicked Pig!_

_Ding Dong! The Wicked Pig is dead!"_

"Well, I better get back to other impending issues. If you will all excuse me," said the Doctor. He stopped as he was about to enter the blue Police box again and turned to face Hermione. "Are you sure that we're not related?" She shook her head. He smiled a large, toothy grin and disappeared into the box. It vanished amid a loud dematerialization sound.

Ron turned to Harry, "What a strange man." Harry nodded.

"So, what's next?" asked Ginny.

"I really think we should round up any survivors and see how they can help us finish off these creatures," said Harry.

"I think we agree with you, Mate!" said the twins.

"Let's go then," said Ron. "We'll start back in the Great hall again."

Harry nodded and took off for a run, but wound up running right into Ginny and knocking her down while tumbling on top of her.

Ginny now appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up into Harry's eyes as her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked at Harry. "Harry," she purred.

"I'm to bloody tired to run!" he cried out.

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore is sitting behind his desk, with Fawkes and Hagrid the duck sitting quietly on Fawkes' perch.

"The time has come for our final episode. The thrilling conclusion of "Ron of the Dead" will air next time here on Hogwarts Theatre. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore…and you're not."

Dumbledore smiles at the camera, as Hagrid quacks out, "I gotta go potty!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

CHAPTER EIGHT

[FADE TO]

"At last!" yelled a triumphant Ginny. She whipped out her wand, and in moments, Harry was bound and gagged. With a flick, she had him floating in the air. She whirled around and said "_Accio broom!_"

A broomstick came and hovered next to her. She climbed on and grabbed Harry's robe. "See you at the coronation," she said, and took off, dragging a helpless Harry behind her.

They turned to enter the Great Hall, when a stray zombie jumped in front of the group. Ron stepped up, brandishing the Scepter.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked the zombie. It shook its head no.

"It's my BOOM stick!" he bellowed, taking the zombie's head off its shoulders in one clean motion.

They opened the doors and entered the Great Hall.

[FADE TO]

Gred and Forge ran, with Scooby Doo right behind them. Following along behind were what seemed to be every zombie in existence, led by none other than Tom Riddle.

When they got around the corner of the castle, they stood aside and watched the zombies come past.

The zombies spotted two black cats sitting next to a glowing door in the middle of the field.

"In here, he's in here!" yelled one of the cats.

The zombies charged through the door. Before it could slam shut, Gred and Forge grabbed Tom Riddle and knocked him over the head with a rock. He went out like a light.

One of the black cats grabbed his bag back and gave about half the galleons in it to the other cat.

"Thank you Felix," said the cat. "Oh, plenty of Purina Yum Yums tonight."

"No, thank you Salem," said the other cat with a wink. They both ran laughing into the woods.

[FADE TO]

In the Great Hall, the Magnificent Seven waited for people to arrive. After a while, Dumbledore came in, leading the survivors behind him.

"Well, now, I suppose it is time to crown the King and Queen," Dumbledore started. He stopped as the doors opened yet again. In came Ginny, her arm around a very disheveled looking Harry. He had a silly grin plastered on his face.

"Hi," he said, "beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Now, as I was saying, it's time to crown… Oh now what?" he cried as the doors opened again.

Gred and Forge came in, dragging Tom Riddle between them.

"We can solve this mystery," said Ron, jumping up. He ran over and smacked Tom on the cheek, causing him to wake up. He struggled, but the twins held him fast.

"You see," said Ron, as he looked around at a captivated audience, "the memory of Tom Riddle was destroyed years ago by Harry Potter. He doesn't exist anymore, right Mate?" He looked at Harry, who nodded dreamily.

"So, through a process of elimination, we discovered that Tom Riddle had to be a man in a mask!" He reached over, and grabbing at Tom's neck, he pulled the mask back to reveal…

"Old Man Smithers????" said the audience in disbelief.

"I'd have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and your dumb dog too!"

"Hehehehehe," snickered Scooby from the corner.

"Arrest that man!" bellowed Dumbledore. Two bobbies came out and beat Old Man Smithers over the head with their billy clubs.

"Now that the unpleasantness has been taken care of, I'm going to announce the King and Queen, if it kills me." He glared around the room, daring anyone to defy him. A small white ferret enters through a side door and squats in the corner, leaving a 'gift' behind in annoyance.

Harry and Ginny appeared once again through the side door looking quite dishevled. "That's what Malfoy gets for walking in on us!" said Ginny.

"The King and Queen, being members of the only group to not only get all the items on their list, but also the only group to survive the night intact, are none other than our own Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Come on up here on the stage you two." He waited for them to join him, before placing crowns on each of their heads. "I believe you already have the Scepter, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore whispered to him.

Ron stood firm on the stage before all remaining Hogwarts students and faculty. He held the Halloween Scepter high in the air as applause break out throughout the Great Hall.

"Hail to the king, baby!" exclaims Ron.

Cheers and yells explode up towards the enchanted ceiling. For the first time, Ron feels like a million galleons. They chant his name as he walks off the stage. He moves through the parting crowd and heads straight towards Hermione. Ron holds his hand out. "May I have this dance?" he asks.

Harry sat behind the piano and begins to play.

Hermione takes Ron's hand and smiles. He whips her around onto the dance floor and wraps his arms around her waist. Hermione places her arms around his neck and places her cheek against his. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, Ron." she whispers.

Harry serenades his friends.

_"My home lies deep within you,_

_and I've got my own place in your soul._

_Now, when I look out through your eyes,_

_I'm young again, even though I'm very old."_

Ron looks deep into Hermione's eyes. "Gimme some sugar, baby." Hermione reaches up and kisses him deeply.

_"I write the songs that make the whole world sing. _

_I write the songs of love and special things. _

_I write the songs that make the young girls cry. _

_I write the songs, I write the songs."_

Ginny is sitting behind Harry with tears in her eyes. She places a hand on his shoulder, then rests her head on his back.

_"I write the songs that make the whole world sing. _

_I write the songs of love and special things. _

_I write the songs that make the young girls cry. _

_I write the songs...I write...the...songs."_

The student body surrounds Ron and Hermione, patting them on the back and thanking them for saving their lives.

Harry watches with tears in his eyes. "Well done, Ron. Well done."

Ginny turns Harry and looks into his eyes. "What about you?"

"This is Ron's moment. We're alive because of him."

"Then I guess you'll just have to be plain ol' Harry for right now," said Ginny sarcastically.

"That is something I can certainly live with, Miss Weasley!" exclaimed Harry feeling quite relieved.

"Well, I don't know if you knew, but there is a booby prize for those who are friends of the King of the Halloween Ball?"

"Really now? What could that be?" Harry asked.

Ginny waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively, as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Harry looked like he pondered the thought. "My stomach seems to feel full again."

"I think I can take care of that," said Ginny.

Harry laughed out loud and he pulled Ginny closer into a tighter embrace.

Ron leaned down to Hermione and kissed her once more. They separated and placed their foreheads together.

Neville was hoisted on students' shoulders and they shouted his name also.

Harry begins another song and Ginny climbs up on the piano and dances like a go-go dancer..

"_Well, shake it up, baby, now,_

_Twist and shout._

_C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now,_

_Come on and work it on out._

_You know you twist so good,_

_You know you twist so fine._

_Come on and twist a little closer, now,_

_And let me know that you're mine_."

Ginny blew a kiss to Harry as he continued his song.

[CAMERA PANS AWAY FROM GREAT HALL]

[FADE TO]

Fred and George's voice can be heard coming from the dungeons below Hogwarts. A faint grunt can also be heard.

"Oh, come off it, Percy. Just try to be still," said Fred.

Percy, the zombie, is chained to the wall. His arms are extended, flailing wildly at the twins. The chain is held tensely in the air.

"It won't hurt a bit. We just need you to test this," said George.

Fred places a blue capsule in Percy's mouth. Percy's eyes grow wide. He coughs several times, then spews out chicken feathers. The twins flash toothy grins as they continue to watch. Percy's mouth also grows. He appears to have something inside. George places his hand over Percy's mouth. "Cough once more, Perce." Percy coughs and out appears an egg. George breaks the egg against the stone wall and out comes a galleon. The twins cheer!

"You did it, Percy!" said Fred. Percy claps. "These party favors are brilliant, Fred! Are you ready to try another one, Perce?" says George. Percy grunts and nods his head. Fred turns to George, "Isn't Halloween fun?" Fred and George then turn to face the camera and laugh out loud.

[FADE TO BLACK]

[CUE CLOSING MUSIC]

[CLOSING CREDITS ROLL]

The Producers would like to thank:

Lizzy and Cass - Whose inspiration and support are worth a thousand times their weight in gold

Ron - For being the mack daddy of action films

Hermione - For growing into a beautiful young woman who's giving us all something to drool at

Harry - Who could easily step aside for his friends to take center stage

Affleck - You were the bomb in "Phantoms!"

Gred and Forge - There is no such thing as laughter without you

Dobby - For taking charge and kicking butt!

Ginny - Our fave pinup gal who's destined for glory

Mewes - Snoochie Boochie!

Dumbledore - An old man that never quits

Malfoy - For showing what you're made of every time you left a gift

Oddish - For creating the standard for the extraordinary

Mosier - For showing us how to produce

Melindaleo - For writing the greatest fan fic ever told

Harry (GP) - Without you and your site, there is no RotD

Wolfie & Erin: A source of constant inspiration.

bunnysrevil11: Our muse

Alex: The most entertaining beta we could ever have

Kevin - No one knows films like you

Bruce - You are the King, baby!

Romero - There is no movie greater than NotLD!

Pegg & Wright - We're not worthy!

The Cast- For genius work at low prices

The Crew- For long hours and even lower prices

[FADE TO]

Dumbledore is standing on stage clapping, along with the entire student body and faculty.

"Thank you, thank you. Now, it is my pleasure to bring out those responsible for making "Ron of the Dead" happen. First of all, may I introduce the Director of this excellent feature…ladies and gentlemen, Dobby the House Elf!"

Dobby comes out on stage and bows and he gets a hearty round of applause.

"Next, our enviable duo of do-gooders. Those lovable pair of polecats who have a hundred tricks up each sleeve…Fred and George Weasley!"

The crowd stands and Fred and George come out on stage holding hands and curtsey to the audience, blowing kisses along the way.

"Our next hero is often times recognized more for what he isn't, rather than what he is. Ladies and gentlemen, the true Don Juan of Hogwarts…Neville Longbottom!"

Neville comes out dressed in black slacks, a navy blue sportscoat, along with a tuxedo shirt, black scarf and sunglasses. Girls throw bras and panties on stage.

"This next tag team has been known for their indiscreet hints and cow-milking tactics. He is the Boy-Who-Lived and she is the Girl Next Door….Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley!"

The crowd chants their names. They come out on stage holding hands and take several bows.

"She is our Heroine, our Princess, and the smartest witch of her age we have ever seen at Hogwarts. She is Hermione Granger!"

Hermione steps out on stage, blushing brightly. Dobby walks up to her and presents her with a bouquet of roses. She bends down and kisses Dobby on the cheek. She then waves to the crowd and steps to one side along with the others.

"And finally, he is out hero!"

The audience begins to stomp their feet and clap in unison.

"He fought the brave war against the deadly foe and proved that he is a true Gryffindor. He is the Original Wease! Ladies and gentlemen, the star of our show…RON WEASLEY!!!"

Ron comes out on stage holding his boomstick up high. The crowd goes nuts! The shout his name repeatedly and he swings the Scepter in front of him.

Ron waves everyone over. They all hold hands and take several bows together. During the final bow, Harry slips on the stage and falls into the Orchestra Pit. A wave of gasps travels through the audience.

"Ginny?" says a pained Harry.

"Yes, Harry?" she replies.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up."

Ginny waggles her eyebrows suggestively while looking down at him. "And now you'll stay down." She jumps down to Harry.

Everyone tries to look at the two in the pit.

"MOOOOOOO!"

[CUT TO BLACK]

**THE END**

*****

*****

*****

***  
**

**OR IS IT?**

**Next up: The Deleted Scenes...  
**


	9. Ron of the Dead The Deleted Scenes

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

DELETED SCENE #1

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" growled the zombies.

Sirius enters the Great Hall in a flourish, dressed in a black corset, fishnet stockings and the reddest lipstick possible. He makes his way to the Magnificent Seven who stand speechless at the outrageous site in front of hem.

"_Don't get strung out by the way I look,"_ sings Sirius as he approached Harry and caresses his cheek with his index finger.

"_Don't judge a book by its cover,"_ sings Sirius and he pushes Harry by the head.

"_I'm not much of a man by the light of day,"_ he sings to Ron, as he gyrates his hips straight into him.

"_But by night I'm one hell of a lover,"_ he sings as he winks at the twins and then walks away.

DELETED SCENE #2

The seven arrive in Dumbledore's office and shut the door behind them.

"Alright, Hermione, call the Ministry," says Ron.

Hermione throws a bit of floo powder into the lit fireplace and calls out, "Auror Headquarters, Ministry of Magic…we need HELP!"

A tall, lanky figure dressed in grey stepped out of the fireplace. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"Auror, we need your help!" says Ginny.

"Sorry, I'm an Inspector from America," says the stranger.

"Inspector, the castle is under attack! There are zombies everywhere!" says Neville.

The Inspector walked over to the open window and looked outside into the chaos that surrounded them. "Wowsers!" he said.

"Yeah, no kidding," said Ron.

"I'll go get help!" said the Inspector. "Stand back, everyone." The seven backed up to one corner, giving the Inspector the room he needed.

"Go Go Gadget Copter!" Out from the brim of his hat appeared a propeller and a couple of handlebars. "I'll be back. You kids stay here." And out the window, he flew away.

"Mental, that one," said Ron. The twins nodded in agreement.

DELETED SCENE #3

Ron took Hermione's hands in his as explosions broke out throughout the grounds of Hogwarts. She was silently crying, as her tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It's okay, Hermione. Everything will be alright. I promise you that," said Ron.

"Can you really promise me that, Ron? Can you really guarantee that things will be back to normal?" replied Hermione.

"No, I can't, and maybe that's a good thing! All I can tell you for sure is that I will always be by your side."

Hermione cupped her hand on Ron's cheek. He turned his head slightly and kissed her fingertips. She smiled and blushed. Ron sat down on the ledge of the tower and pulled Hermione over to sit on his lap. She did so, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He looked deep into her eyes and whispered words of encouragement.

"_To dream, the impossible dream._

_to fight the unbeatable foe,_

_to bear with unbearable sorrow,_

_to run where the brave dare not go."_

Harry ran right past Hermione and Ron, with Ginny following closely after.

"_To right the unrightable wrong,_

_to love, pure and chaste from afar."_

Ron leaned his head into Hermione and gently kissed her on the neck.

"_To try, when your arms are too weary,_

_to reach, that unreachable star._

_This is my quest, to follow that star,"_ said Ron looking directly at Hermione.

"_No matter how hopeless, no matter how far,_

_to fight for the right, without question or pause,_

_to be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause."_ Hermione blushed and lowered her eyes.

"_And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest, _

_that my heart will lie peaceful and calm,_

_when I'm laid to my rest."_ Hermione started to cry at the thought of losing Ron.

"_And this girl will be better for this,_

_that one man, scorned and covered with scars,_

_still strove, with his last ounce of courage,_

_To reach the unreachable star."_ Hermione placed both hands on Ron's face and pulled him closer to her lips where she gave him the first kiss they ever shared.

DELETED SCENE #4

"It seems I've fallen and made a rather squishy mess of things back here. You wouldn't be so kind as to give me a hand, would you?"

"I thought you'd never ask, Harry," she said, stepping around the corner of the screen.

"Now, Ginny, be careful. Whoa! What are you doing? Stop!" he screeched.

"Now Harry, just relax and let me handle things, would you? That's a dear…"

She reaches into her robe and pulls out a thin, plastic stick.

"What's that?" asks Harry.

"It's a straw, Harry."

"What are you going to use it for?"

Ginny waggles her eyebrows and reaches down to help her "friend."

Ginny stepped back out from behind the screen, a very self satisfied look on her face as she was cleaning the corner of her mouth. "It always does a body good."

DELETED SCENE #5

Ron stands on the stage inside the Great Hall. He is surrounded by his team. The remaining living students and faculty watch from the floor. Their eyes are glued on the red-haired hero.

Ron holds the Scepter aloft and proudly states, _"Hear me heathens, and wizards, and servants of sin:_

_All your dastardly doings are past!_

_For a holy endeavor is now to begin_

_And virtue shall triumph at last!_

_I am I, Don Ronaldo,_

_The Lord of La Hogwarts,_

_Our destinies call, and we go!_

_And the wild winds of fortune_

_Shall carry us onward ... To wither so ever they blow..._

_Wither so ever they blow..._

_Onward to glory we go!"_

The audience broke out in cheers of encouragement and school pride!

DELETED SCENE #6

Salem walked calmly into the kitchen. He was waiting for Zelda and Helga to come home. He wouldn't have to wait for long.

He had just settled down for a siesta, when he heard the door open. His head sprang up from its resting point. Sure enough, Helga and Zelda were home.

"Salem, Sabrina, are you there?" asked Helda.

"In here!" Salem called out, a small grin crossing his face.

They came in, and when they did, Salem pulled the rope, dropping an enchanted net onto them. They screeched as mystical energy coursed through them.

"Now, my pretties, you're in my clutches," he chortled mercilessly.

"Salem, what are you doing?" Zelda asked.

"Why, getting what I deserve from life, of course," he replied, his tail flicking. "I'm selling the two of you into slavery. Then, Sabrina is all mine. Just think of it, her serving me sardines at all hours of the day, brushing my coat, giving me milk. It'll be wonderful."

"Why you miserable…"

"Now now Helga, mustn't be that way. You'll adjust to your new owners soon enough. They should be here shortly after all." He walked away, leaving them to stew as they struggled against the enchantments holding them there. His maniacal mewing could be heard fading in the background.

DELETED SCENE #7

Fred and George stepped out from around the corner to face their mirror twins.

"You wanted to see us?" George said.

"Yeah, we have," Gred started.

"A business proposition for you," finished Forge.

"We're interested," said Fred.

"Yeah, talk to us, brothers," said George.

"We were thinking," said Gred.

"Amazing concept," said George.

"Why didn't we ever think of that?" asked Fred.

"So, what was it you wanted to propose?" asked George.

"Only that," said Gred.

"We think we should," said Forge.

"Start a New Marauder's group together," said Gred.

"That sounds," began Fred

"Bloody Brilliant!" finished George.

The four of them reached out and clasped arms in agreement.

DELETED SCENE #8

The Magnificent Seven skidded around a corner to find a strange scene in front of them. Standing over the body of a newly incapacitated zombie were three middle aged men. All of them had black polyester pants with black leather boots. Two of the three were wearing blue crushed velvet shirts with black trim around the neck, while the third was wearing a gold crushed velvet shirt, also with black trim around the neck. Each of them had gold braid around the forearms, and a strange patch over the heart.

"Well, Bones, what do you think?" said the one in gold.

"I'm a doctor, not a philosophy professor. How should I know what's going on here?" replied the older man in blue.

"If I might, Captain?" said the other blue clad man. As he turned the Seven could make out pointed ears. The gold clad man waved his hand for him to proceed.

"Logic would dictate, that no matter why things like this have happened, we need to deal with it. Therefore, I would suggest that you take his wand, I'll take his wallet."

DELETED SCENE #9

Kreacher laid there on the couch in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was sitting there beside him in a plush chintz chair, holding a pad and a quill.

"So tell me, just what is it that brings you here, Kreacher?" Dumbledore asked, sucking on the tip of the quill.

"I have a terrible secret, one that I've been hiding for my entire life, and it's eating me alive." Kreacher mumbled under his breath.

"And what would that be?" Dumbledore inquired.

Kreacher sighed. "I have something to confess," he started.

"Go on," said Dumbledore, now looking much more intent.

"It's just that,"

"Yes?"

"I'm the illegitimate love child of Dolores Umbridge and Emeril Legasse."

Dumbledore dropped his quill.

DELETED SCENE # 10

Ginny slowly removed the binding on Harry, releasing him from her hold. She studied his hands and noticed that they were raw from the night's activities.

"You're hurt," she said, holding his hand gently. He nodded at her, unsure of his voice.

She reached down and ripped a small section of her robe off to bind his hand with. As she did so she began to sing.

_I thought there's no use getting  
Into heavy petting  
It only leads to trouble  
And seat wetting._

She was removing his robe now. He watched her with wide eyes.

_Now all I want to know is how to go.  
I've tasted blood and I want more. (More, more, more.)  
I'll put up no resistance. I want to go the distance  
I've got an itch to scratch. I need assistance._

She let her own robe fall to the floor. His eyes got even wider. They bugged out completely as her uniform followed the robe. She was standing there in a bra and a slip. She reached out and grabbed his hands.

_Toucha toucha toucha touch me  
I want to be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me  
Creature of the night._

He couldn't believe what she was doing, where she was placing his hands.

_Then if anything grows, while you pose,  
I'll oil you up and rub you down. (Down, down, down.)  
And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction  
You need a friendly hand and I need action._

_Toucha toucha toucha touch me  
I want to be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me  
Creature of the night._

Harry gave in to the inevitable, and kissed her passionately.

DELETED SCENE #11

A woman stepped from the shadows. She stood there dressed head to toe in black. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, graying quite a bit. Her face was pale and wrinkled. She gave everyone a hard look, never showing any emotion at all.

"Frau Blucher!" Hermione said. She turned to face Hermione. Somewhere in the distance a horse neighed.

Harry jumped out and pointed his wand at her. "Humptyfratz!" he squeaked, forgetting what the incantation was he wanted. Pink light struck her in the face. She looked at Hermione, and a strange expression came over her face.

She waltzed right up to her and grabbed her chin with her hand. "I could rock your vorld," she whispered into her ear.

Hermione struggled to get out of her grip, but she was just too strong. She let out a long low whimper.

"You know, we could have a lot of fun. Have you ever heard of a _Menage-et-trois?_" she asked. "I've got a horse you know."

Hermione fainted dead away.

DELETED SCENE # 12

[CUE MUSIC]

Enter Lupin, dressed from head to toe in a black tuxedo and top hat. He starts tap dancing across the great hall in front of an amazed crowd. As he dances he sings to the music

_I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand_

_Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain_

_He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's_

_Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein_

_Werewolves of London_

_If you hear him howling around your kitchen door_

_Better not let him in_

_Little old lady got mutilated late last night_

_Werewolves of London again_

_Werewolves of London_

_He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent_

_Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair_

_Better stay away from him_

_He'll rip your lungs out, Jim_

_I'd like to meet his tailor_

_Werewolves of London_

_Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen_

_Doing the Werewolves of London_

_I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen_

_Doing the Werewolves of London_

_I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's_

_His hair was perfect_

_Werewolves of London_

He continued tapping across the hall and out the door, leaving a stunned crowd behind.

DELETED SCENE # 13

Devon Murray sat outside of the set, having a much needed cigarette break. As he sat and took a drag off of his cig, he noticed the cameraman looking at him.

"What? I'm not even supposed to be in this thing!" He pushed the cameraman away and stormed off, stamping out his butt on the way.

**Up Next: The Blooper Reel**


	10. Ron of the Dead The Blooper Reel

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling

BLOOPER #1

Dumbledore's private bathroom is filled with Italian marble and lighted candles creating the aura of soft illumination. In the tub, Albus Dumbledore sits in a pool of bubbles. His trusty rubber duck is by his side.

"Welcome my friends as we are almost at our conclusion to our future award-winning movie, "Ron of the Dead." I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and I thank you for tuning in to Hogwarts Theatre. As you know, after a hard day's work, we all need a little rest and relaxation. Alas, there can be none for our Magnificent Seven. Watch as their perils continue in this next installment."

Large bubbles erupt at Dumbledore's side. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Pardon me!" He blushed, fanning his hand in the air.

BLOOPER #2

Ginny now appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up, her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.

She looked at the group. "Harry," she purred, "run."

Harry ran and crashed directly into the twins, knocking him backwards. The cast burst out laughing. "Sorry there, Mate!" said Fred as George helped him to his feet.

BLOOPER #3

And so they went carefully down the stairs, Hermione following right behind with an arm outstretched on Harry's shoulder. Ron stood sideways on each stair, waving Harry down carefully. Harry grabbed onto the railing with both hands tightly. His knuckles turned ghost white.

"Come on, mate. You only have five steps to go."

Hermione held Harry tightly by the collar of his robes now. She was focused on her friend until she saw a white shadow pass by the corner of her eye. She burped out loud.

Hermione cupped her hand over her mouth as everyone roared.

"Well, that's one way to break the tension!" said Ron.

BLOOPER #4

"Professor," said Pansy Parkinson. "How may we address your sister respectfully?"

Ron turned to Harry and whispered. "He's got a sister?"

The woman took a step forward and spoke in a demure, but stern tone. "My name is…Frau Blücher."

Somewhere in the background, a horse's neigh is heard.

Harry and Ron burst out into a giggle fit.

BLOOPER #5

Percy's hand shot into the air. She turned from him, walking a few paces away. He found his eyes being drawn to her posterior, its shape bringing to mind a succulent ham hock. He found his mouth watering.

She turned back to him. "Yes, Wheelbarrow?"

"Er, could you turn around again?"

"What? Oh, I suppose so," she said turning around so that her back was to him. Percy reached out unsteadily toward her, his mouth stretching wide. She turned around again and caught him straight in the mouth with a passionate kiss, and jumping up wrapping her beefy legs around his waist!

"CUT!" yelled Dobby as everyone laughed.

BLOOPER #6

"I think you need to be milked," Ginny replied. "I, er, can help you with that if you'd like," she said waggling her eyebrows suggestively at him. As he blushed furiously, she cackled with laughter.

He got up and went around behind a changing screen that had luckily appeared nearby. As he did, there was a crash and a yelp of pain. "Er, Ginny?" came Harry's voice from behind the screen.

"Yes, Harry?"

"It seems I've fallen and made a rather squishy mess of things back here. You wouldn't be so kind as to give me a hand, would you?"

"I thought you'd never ask, Harry," she said, stepping around the corner of the screen. A loud crash and a second yelp of pain came from behind the screen.

"Er, Ron?" came Ginny's voice.

"Yes, Ginny," he replied.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!" she cried out.

Everyone fell on the floor laughing.

BLOOPER #7

[CUE MICHAEL JACKSON'S THRILLER]

Riddle/Smeagol started to twitch. The zombies fell into four rows of five behind him. They picked up the rhythmic twitching as well. Soon they were all starting to dance. They all lifted one leg and their hands in unison, swaying from side to side. An eerie singing started.

"_It's close to midnight and something evil's…"_

"Damnit!" yelled Riddle. "Dobby, I stepped in a puddle again!"

Dobby came out from behind the camera and shouted. "CUT! Get Riddle the Doc Martens!"

BLOOPER #8

The seven scattered around looking for their items. The twins walked past a wall lined with flaming rotisserie skewers where house elves were roasting under a pit fire.

"Do you smell something, Fred?"

"Yeah, that was me. Sorry George?" replied Fred

BLOOPER #9

"Let's go!" said everyone. They filed out the kitchen as the rotisseries turned again revealing one little elf who flashed a large smile and waved as he held a sign on his chest that said, "Hi Mom." Then, he slipped off the skewer and fell with a thud.

"OWW!" cried Dobby.

BLOOPER #10

"The time has come for our final episode. The thrilling conclusion of "Ron of the Dead" will air next time here on Hogwarts Theatre. I am Albus…oh dragon dung! I forgot my name!"

BLOOPER #11

Riddle stood there with an evil glint in his eye. From under his cloak then, he pulled a pair of hand puppets. One was white skinned with red eyes, while the other appeared to have a large hooked nose and greasy hair. He looked down on the greasy haired puppet and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at it. "Who's your big dark daddy?"

Snape walked right up to him and snatched the puppets out of his hand, walking away in disgust. Riddle began cracking up.


End file.
